Saturday, 31 May 2008

Redefining Greatness

So it's taken, what 5 days? 6?

That's how long it's taken to pull down the rep I've been building tirelessly for three years. Humbling.

All those of you who have chosen to remain with the blog, I salute you. I realise that there are many things pulling you away from here, and many voices undermining mine.

But you have stayed because you sensed something in what I'm saying. Something that may have hit you like a hammer - or maybe just something that's needling you at the edge of your consciousness and refuses to leave no matter how much you try to ignore it.

Good. What this means is that you are unwilling to simply and easily dismiss something that rings all too true, even if you really want to.

In that, you are already stronger than I was.

And before we go on, I want you to know a couple of things. Firstly, I am no hero. I know that a lot of people are saying and will continue to say that moreover, I am any number of very bad things.

Do not get sucked into caricatures of me in defiance to their venom. If you really respect me, you will not lionise me. I am no lion. I am a leech who wants to be a man again.

Now, I've spoken about a 'new way' and I know that many of you are waiting to hear what I have to say. Before I go on, a couple of things.

1 - This is going to challenge the living shit out of you.
2 - No, really, this is really going to challenge the living shit out of you.

Ok. Another thing I want to say is that I do care deeply about whether or not you get this. I want you to, and as such, all the doubts and questions that you are going to have, that's what the comment function on this blog is for. Shoot from the hip, gents. Don't hold back.

The interesting thing about the community is that the more 'advanced' it gets, the deeper it goes. We started out 10 years ago looking at how to open a conversation, and now we are looking to build our strength right deep down at the spiritual level.

A lot of the reasons for this are that if you have that kind of deep spiritual power, problems with women just evaporate as if they were never there. This is kind of strange and pretty interesting.

Another thing that many people have encountered is that once you get that kind of shit going on, you are suddenly tuned in to the very highest parts of your self. This is absolutely true and deeply revolutionary. It's also one of the main things (addictions notwithstanding) that held me in the seduction community for a long time after I'd achieved way beyond what I'd set out to achieve woman-wise when I got into it.

That is to say, it held my attention, strongly. You'll have heard it referred to in this blog and various community websites as 'nimbus'. And it is a very interesting phenomenon.

To describe it as being 'really on' is not accurate or honest. It is way beyond that. It's much more like a whole new dimension of power and insight which you gain access to. Which feels completely natural, like you at the deepest level. And it's not just your charisma that it supercharges, it blasts into everything. Intellect, sensitivity, vision, clarity, focus - everything.

Now, my question was 'can you trigger and sustain this in the context of seduction.' I spent a lot of time and energy doing my best to do just that, until I realised the simple and inconvenient truth that seduction is a context wherein the sustaining of genuine deep power is impossible.

So what then?

The interesting thing is that firstly, the feeling of this peak state goes way beyond that which you may gain from the adulation of others. In fact it has much less to do with how others see you, and much more to do with how you see them - how tuned in you are to their needs, and how effective you are at meeting them. In fact, it has much more to do with channeling love than with being loved.

Now love is a weak and feeble word, but it is not a weak or feeble thing. The crackling energy of this state gives you access to and turns you into a fountain of pure and genuine love that cuts through all negativity like a floodlight through shadow.

Now, the interesting thing is that when I was at my best, it was because I was going, every week, to a place where I would be exposed to exactly this phenomenon with great intensity.

Every week I would be filled with this thing, with this power.

It's interesting, because the first time I ever went to that place, I reacted very badly. I felt a deep defiance in parts of me I didn't even know I had. I felt a slithering inside my chest, like snakes under rock that had just been lifted. Which to be honest, didn't say very good things about my internals.

I'm going to give you a blast of that place I went to. It's free, you can download it instantly.

Now, before I tell you what that place is, there's something I want to talk about.

Infinity.

Infinity is something which many of us have started to take more seriously recently. The work of men like Eckhart Tolle has given us gateways, if you will, into an unseen realm.

If you don't know anything about this dude, google the fucker, and download his shit. It's good shit. He's a bit of a hippy, but of a very practical and grounded nature.

Now, the thing about the infinite in it's Buddhist conception is that the Buddha, and by extension his followers, see the infinite as a sea in which you dissolve.

They see you, as in you the ego structure, as a static conception in a world of shifting and ever-dynamic intertwined processes.

This is, I believe, pretty fucking astute.

As such, they believe that the way to achieve eternal peace is to dissolve into this infinity.

That's basically Buddhism. Everything else is a route to that - the meditation, the monasticism, the wearing orange, all that jazz.

Now don't get me wrong. I do not think this is stupid, nor inaccurate.

But I do believe it is incomplete.

The difference between the conception of the infinite held by Buddhists, and the conception of the infinite put forward by Christians (at least the ones who aren't too busy gay-bashing or shooting abortion doctors) is that the infinite has a personality.

That it, essentially, is a person. You can interact with it as you would interact with a person. It has a specific plan and agenda for you, as a person would. It has a very distinct character. It talks to you, and it listens to you when you talk back.

That's the first thing. When a Christian talks about 'God' they are referring to precisely the same phenomenon as Eckhart Tolle is when he speaks of 'Being'. When they refer to the 'Holy Spirit' they are talking about the same phenomenon as Eckhart Tolle is when he talks about presence.

The only difference is that they are not just experiencing it directly, but also talking to it directly, and listening to it directly.

Truth is, a great many Christians are shit at this. A great many Christians are much really Christian as Michael Bay is an actual bay.

Nonetheless, it is a very interesting avenue, is it not, to think that there might be something here that is not 'different' to Tolle's conception of the infinite, but is actually deeper and more sophisticated.

Before you turn away in disgust - realise this. I am not, nor will I ever be, a religious man. Religion is fucked - every bit as fucked as seduction. Neither of them is any kind of path to follow. Both will destroy you. I think everyone gets this about religion, and I think in time we'll realise it about seduction also. The big difference is that religion is not a ten-year old underground movement on the internet.

Still, they both have some things in common.

Both of them have their doctrines.

Both have their stock defence mechanisms.

Both have their idols, and both have their heretics. Like me.

Both have evangelists, both have acolytes, both have articles of faith.

Both have their pioneers, both have their standard rationalisations, both have their theologians, and both have the devils they fight.

In fact, I'll go further and say that what we are looking at here is basically the same phenomenon.

The main difference would be that in seduction you get laid quicker and the mid-life crisis hits you a great deal faster.

I've just read over that last sentence and got that feeling you get where you're trying to be funny and you accidentally say something so on point it's mental. A bit like in that film Idiocracy. Hehe.

Ok, here's the thing.

There is no future in either. They are both paths that promise much, and lead nowhere.

However.

There is still 'nimbus' to account for. And there is still the fact that what Christians are attempting, no matter how stupid or counterproductive their methods or their results may be, is something much deeper than dissolving into the sea.

It is forming a relationship, a living, full on, broadband connection, with the infinite.

Now THAT is a definition of nimbus if ever I heard one.

So here is your first challenge.

Greatness. True greatness. There is a guy who's name is Pete, who is a friend of mine. He is, literally, in community parlance, full nimbus.

He a pastor in a non-denominational church and his sermons are searching and penetrating examinations of what genuine greatness is, and how to forge - and maintain - this connection which I speak of.

Here is an mp3. Listen to it. It is fucking awesome. This dude's level of personal wisdom is beyond anything I have ever encountered in real life.

http://www.destinyedinburgh.com/Sermons/Redefining_greatness.aspx

All your comments will be answered.

Apart from the ones trying to goad me into slating Tyler. Stop asking me to do that. It's not going to happen. Not unless you give me a big bag of money.

And some crack.

Word.

80 comments:

e13c7r0nic said...

Dude, come back. We miss you.

Anonymous said...

This one is about the importance of showing gratitude no matter what you face in life and more from an islam perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khPG2o_yEY4&feature=related

It talks also about why we have to struggle, are being tested and what our purpose is here on earth, all from Gods perspective of course.

Ciaran said...

"e13c7r0nic said...

Dude, come back. We miss you."

Aw, that's really sweet. I'm not coming back, dude. But I haven't left you. I'm still here.

Join me in my heresy. Mwahaha!

el aphar said...

Good post, Ciaran.

First of all, I've not part of the community but I've been observing it at a rather intimate level and am doing some conspiracy work regarding. The last part might be vague, but if you want, I'll explain to you via email what kind of work I'm doing. I'll give you a hint though, I've "talked" to you before about religion and seduction.

Anyway, this post is interesting and is of interest to me because your fascination with Eastern mystic knowledge coincides with mine. I think you're on to something here in this post. There is nothing wrong with "Now-living" , but there is something even more glorious than that and this is "Kingdom-Living". What it entails is that you live your life as though you are living in the Kingdom of God, a Kingdom where you move with infinite passion and a sharply defined purpose. At this state, the Nimbus blazes forth, but the point of course is not to light up the Nimbus in you, but to move closer to Ultimate Reality-the Tao-God. You are moving closer to the Truth of creation, the universe, and what have you. Ultimately, you are not moving towards the Truth, but the Truth, the Logos, now, is moving IN you and for you. The Logos is incarnated in you. Joy, peace, confidence, contentment, satisfaction, and all things that seducers strive for in futility are INCIDENTAL in kingdom living, because the Kingdom is where our Creator intended us to live. Being the wonderful Creator he is, he made Kingdom-living such that if we live it, all the good that we strive for, pour forth naturally. All things good are built in the FABRIC of Kingdom-living. If you are unsure on how to Live in the Kingdom, observe the Pattern, the Incarnated Logos, Christ Jesus. Writers like Kierkegaard call him the Pattern because how he lived is how we should live also. To shortly put it, Christ's life was one of servanthood, obedience, self-denial, and humility (Eastern texts hint at this and this is partially why I believe they hint at the possibility--since they were written before the actual Incarnation of the Logos--the appearance of the Logos ). The title of your post is "Redefining Greatness", and defining it is simply a matter of equating it with humility, obedience--a general state of "lowness". We're not even supposed to approach or strive for greatness, although greatness is promised to those who live in humility and obedience. How's that for a paradox.

There are many men in the Christian tradition that wrote about this, but one of recent times that I can think of is Dallas Willard. He writes more in depth about Kingdom Living in his book "Divine Conspiracy". I think it serve you greatly, as you are now, I assume, well acquainted with Now-living and are ready for something more glorious. And you are obviously a theist with fideist leanings, so I suggest you also read Kierkegaard. If you want your reality blown away and receive existential shockwaves in your being, then read this man's works. Many people compare him to Friedrich Nietzsche, but I think Kierkegaard is more terrifying, because he despairingly digs bloodily into his heart to pull out the truth. The man was desperate for the Truth...in Nietzsche we don"t get that sense of religious urgency or movement. He was more into development--of ideas, ideals, and the like. so with that said, go pick up "Training in Christianity", "Works of Love", "Sickness unto Death" and "Purity of the Heart". Full course Kierkegaardian meal right there.


I can understand your frustration with religion, but religion is DRASTICALLY different from seduction. Don't discount it. Jesus himself considered himself Jewish--not only in the ethnic sense, but in the religious sense--and didn't see any problems with religious tradition itself, just the exploitation and bad perceptions thereof. If you're discounting religion based on the fact that it's a self-limiting thing that forces you to follow rules, or that it's just another meaningless social gathering, then I would think you are wrong. I won't get too deeply into it, but following rules outlined in religious text is good, insofar as it helps you to live in the Kingdom, and fellowship is absolutely crucial, as your Kingdom purpose does not belong in some kind of existential vacuum where others are not affected. Your purpose is to help others in the fellowship to live in the Kingdom. You are also to bring others into the fellowship so you can also help them live in the Kingdom (this is what Christians calls evangelism). Unfortunately, I have nothing to say good about seduction communities other than the fact that it will help guys get laid and that it uses, lately at least, religious and spiritual concepts to help guys get better at getting laid, a fact that makes me see seduction as boring, meaningless. Sure, sometimes Christians, through their counterproductive methods and sometimes their outright corruption, muffle the Logos, but they are closer to the Logos than self-deceiving seducers are because they are in a community that is dedicated to the realization of the Logos. This is not the case with seducers. Seducers try to get close to the Logos--by way of the Now--so they can get the pussy and the empowerment they feel when they have tamed the cunt (as per Magnolia). And now that they have no problems with women, and can attract women like nothing they believe they can see with penetrating clarity the "nature" of things, of God. The only problem is, God cannot be seduced.

Ciaran said...

Ok - this post from "Just Some Guy".

I've edited it because in it I'm asked to comment on specific programs in the community.

Look - I appreciate that I'm being really strict about this, but I really won't talk in specifics about any individual product, service or person that I have worked with, or met, or anything.

This isn't because these things don't deserve an answer - sometimes they do, and I'm sorry that I can't give my usual ranty insights on such matters.

At the same time, there are people out there who would take basically anything specific that I have to say about anything RSD related, or anyone not affiliated with RSD, and turn it into a vicious commercially motivated attack.

Sorry, but this is the reality of the situation and as such - even if your questions are fair and balanced as they were in this case - I'm not going to go into any details about anything specifically related to individuals, companies, programs - anything. It's not what I want this discussion to be about.

Ok, disclaimer over - now to the comment:

"Great speech... Really."

Yeah, he's fucking good, isn't he?

"Let me process this.

As the idea behind laying random hot girls is to fulfill personal egoistic needs that makes it, basically, a bad idea, right?"

Right.

"I mean, you are not actually giving any real substancial value to anybody (not even to yourself)."

Yes. Although it is extremely easy to believe you are, and it becomes easier and easier the deeper you get into this. There are a shitload of justifications knocking around masquerading as 'inner game' advice or some such bollocks.

A lot of it is extremely convincing, and mainly because the guys who are writing it are totally certain that they are correct.

I used to churn quite a lot of it out myself.

"Anyway, I think I'm starting to see what you mean. There's nothing in PU/seduction. All I ever wanted was to share some love with someone else, in sincere ways."

Oooooooooo. Now this is very interesting.

Very interesting indeed. Everyone - go back and look at what this dude's written, except this time think back to exactly why you got into this to begin with.

The interesting thing is that my motivation was this - as is basically everyone's getting into seduction.

Really - almost every guy I've really drilled on this has come out with the same thing, or close to it. They want skills with women - but the fun of random fucking is basically incidental. The real reason is that they want to be able to get THAT girl when she comes along.

Or they don't want to lose her when they get her. Or they just want to be in with a chance in the first place, or whatever.

The problem is that seduction is not a neutral tool. It warps you, it gets under your skin and changes your goals, and eventually it destroys you, much like the One Ring.

You see, when you start off there's nothing wrong with your motivations. They're fine, they're great. In fact, I would not advise that they be abandoned. I would advise however, that you not pursue your goals - especially regarding women - in seduction.

And why?

Because you will not have these goals for very long.

As soon as you enter the community you go through this process of being ridiculed for 'one-itis' or some such bullshit (aka giving a shit about an actual woman)- and because you're in a weak place you start thinking

"oh crap, no wonder I've been so shit with girls - I've been doing all THIS wrong".

So you resolve to change, you wipe away your old ideas and start from scratch.

Now that in itself is not necessarily bad. The community is absolutely right in saying that there is a vast amount of bullshit out there about how men should behave.

I'll even go as far as to say that a lot of the 'emotional attachments' that guys have to individual women when they get into this are selfishly motivated, destructive, compulsive and negative - and need to be abandoned.

But you are NOT abandoning them for a more healthy outlook.

You are just replacing that old pile of shit with a whole new pile of shit.

Look, the society we live in is one of caricature, of exaggerated posturing and simplistic narratives shoved down our throats in order to make cash.

This damages us as men - in fact I'd say it damages everyone regardless of gender.

The way this plays out in symptoms for dudes is that they can't get a girl.

The way it plays out for girls is that the only guys they fancy are, when all is said and done, internally weak.

After my stint in marketing I feel I should really write in more depth about this because it is insane how deep it suffuses every aspect of our culture, and you cannot fight what you do not even know you should be fighting.

Anyway - getting off track.

My point is this - thank fuck you remember your motivation. Thank fuck you can still say it with a straight face, and not the sneering and snide playground attitudes that this community engenders in us.

Good work mate.

"One question, Ciaran. Can one learn from pickup programs with a broader life focus and live good, without PU? Or should stuff like that be cut off completely?"

Honestly? You want my opinion? Cut it off. It's too potent.

"It confuses me, because I see that the lifestyle in itself may be dangerous, but some of the knowledge is dead on and appliable in so many areas of one's life."

Oh, fo sho.

There is a shitload of fascinating stuff - I mean really bleeding edge research on human nature - that takes place in the community that cannot take place anywhere else.

Like, the conceptions of male/female attraction dynamics put forward by the best psychologists of our day are fucking dopey ass shit compared to the highly evolved stuff that you will find in the leading edge of the community.

Now look.

While all this is true, there are a couple of critical points which you need to take into consideration.

All of these insights - all of them - are delivered in the context of a lifestyle which will undermine, negate and destroy all the benefit that they will bring you.

And some of the best advice I've ever been given is that you, as in your soul, your self, your mind, your beliefs, your being - all these things are porous.

And the intellectual understandings you 'agree' or 'disagree' with are the tip of a much bigger iceberg that you simply cannot control.

If you are watching a video, or reading a book, or listening to an mp3, you are essentially in that person's company. You are hanging around with them.

And if you hang around with someone, you are going to pick up (no pun intended) a whole shitload of things that you have no ability to resist.

Now these things do not have to be massive. In the allegory of Eden, the devil did not appear to Eve in the form of a monster, but of a snake.

This shit seeps in way below the level of your conscious understanding.

Things like the idea that seduction 'maybe isn't all that bad'.

Things like the idea that 'I'll be able to go so far in this, then stop.'

Just really small, subtle things that very subtly change how you're looking at the world.

And another thing - when you are dealing with any of the top names in seduction from any of the 'traditions' - or indeed even anyone who has a modicum of real skill with this, you are dealing with a man who has made an art form of subtle influence.

These are not incidental things.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking that this is a simple thing to escape.

Also - do not be complacent with your mind, by exposing it - and this isn't just seduction now - to people who are not headed where you want to be headed.

I guess what I'm saying is that this shit goes way beyond the tactical. You cannot tactically avoid this or that. You need to think strategic.

The other thing I would say is that the real cutting edge stuff in the community is the stuff which deals with building a connection with the infinite.

And I'll go further and say that there really is stuff in the community that help you do that.

The problem is, however, that in the context of seduction that connection is

a) Inherently unsustainable.

and

b) Deeply destructive.

It is inherently unsustainable because it is linked to a constant flow of contingent successes in an arena that is going to rapidly become emotionally hollow.

More than this, however, it is because you will, no matter how much you try not to - fall into the trap of believing that you are the man.

The kind of arrogance this breeds in a person is not 'normal' or 'everyday'.

It does not JUST turn you into a bit of a prick. Although this will, incidentally, occur.

The power you are toying with is so vast and so effective that the kind of arrogance you will get is full on Greek-tragedy scale hubristic pride.

Full fucking 'I am God' pride. Like really powerfully. Not just a little. And this is really where the biggest trap of the community lies - for in this pride, the pride of the truly great seducer, lies danger beyond all reason and hope.

This happened to me. It is something I have observed in others. It is not pretty. Nor is it bound to one methodology, philosophy on pickup, seduction style or any of that shit.

It is bound, very simply and very completely, with success in seduction.

And if you think your natural style will save you, think again. The 'high' of that connection with the infinite - which is a fucking big high, by the way - is going to make you chase seduction much harder than even the most adept routine-monkey out there.

The problem with a lot of pickup literature is that - for all the brilliant insights you will gain - it is infected with one assumption that will seep into your head and you will not be able to stop it.

I am referring especially - but not exclusively - to my entire archive.

Because it's my archive and no-one's going to get upset if I use myself as an example on this, this is what I mean:

No matter how many 'good points' I made, no matter how many real insights I delivered, no matter how many brilliant and insightful things I showed you (he says, like a twat) the truth remains that all through my work I never questioned that seduction might be irreparably damaging and inherently bad for you.

Often, it is not even what a thing contains that makes it corrupt, but what it does not contain. And what my work did not contain were the alarm bells I am trying so hard to ring right now.

"Cheers, mate. Thanks for all this."

And you also, dude. Thanks for listening.

Anonymous said...

''The kind of arrogance this breeds in a person is not 'normal' or 'everyday'.

It does not JUST turn you into a bit of a prick. Although this will, incidentally, occur.

The power you are toying with is so vast and so effective that the kind of arrogance you will get is full on Greek-tragedy scale hubristic pride.''

You are so fucking right about this. I could not even communicate with my female roommates anymore since I got into pick-up.

I felt too good for them. When I told one of those girls, who knew I was chasing chicks and shit, that I am done with it...she began smiling. I said: why are you smiling? She said that it was nothing. But it seemed like she was happy that I am not so focussed anymore on it, that this wasn't anymore one of my ego constructs to feel better than her.

We hang out with each other again and it seems that the old connection we had back in the days is back now.

I feel now also more humble and equal to other people. It makes communicating with other people much easier btw. Funny that I achieved that until I leaved the game. hahah

Anonymous said...

its a great read ciaran, hey even if you think you re shit at everything else... you can write!

i eagerly await the next installment!

and while we re on the subject how much money and crack we talking??

mzzarh said...

I just listened to the mp3 and re-read your post. Fucking hell. Amazing. I am shocked. I can't wait to see where you go with this.

Could you expand a bit more on channelling love? What do you mean by this? Do you mean those times when you're in the club nimbusing you're serving and loving the person you're interacting with?

And the part by "Just Some Guy" about sharing love with someone... really got me thinking.

Originally I guess that's not why I got into it. I just felt like a weirdo. Like everyone else was out getting laid and had sexual experience and I had hardly any and I just wanted to be normal.

I'd love to learn how to find love without continuing with the whole seduction thing. But even then, I still feel that deep down what I really want is the sex. Maybe it's purely out of youthful curiosity. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I just can't even imagine a woman loving me, I don't know.

I just feel like I've got to fuck around for a bit, just to get it out of my system you know? I've got to do it.

Anonymous said...

Your last comment explained some of the things i was wondering about.

"I would advise however, that you not pursue your goals - especially regarding women - in seduction."

Where else can you?

There is a lot of good stuff that community uses to become a better man. I dont mean the material from PU gurus but the material like The Work by Byron Katie, Sedona method, EFT, David Deida books, deep spiritual insights on enlightment and so on.

It seems to me that what you're saying is that the context of seduction makes it bad. But this methods i mentioned above remove your fears and the negative thoughts. Don't you think they could keep you in check? I'm interested have you done any of them?

"Full fucking 'I am God' pride. Like really powerfully. Not just a little. And this is really where the biggest trap of the community lies - for in this pride, the pride of the truly great seducer, lies danger beyond all reason and hope.

This happened to me. It is something I have observed in others. It is not pretty. Nor is it bound to one methodology, philosophy on pickup, seduction style or any of that shit.

It is bound, very simply and very completely, with success in seduction."

I remember reading a buddhist book few years back and i cant find it now which book it is. This is little what i remember. It describes the stages a man goes through to enlightment. You go through different stages (i dont remember the characteristics of them) to the stage where you feel like you are the God. The ego thinks it is the universe.

But that's not sustainable so you fall down through the stages you were back to the hell. Then you rise up again to oneness but this time you're not identified with your ego anymore. It's the universe who acts through you and you realize there is no you. And you cannot skip the stages. At least that's what the book said.

It seems similar to what you're going through. Maybe thats just a coincidence but i doubt it.

I believe you can see what was good for you only when you look back at the situation 5 to 10 years today.

I'm not that far down the path, i've just got comfortable with people and being able to hold a conversation with girls so i dont know about what powers you are talking about that take you over although i'm aware it could happen to me also.

My intention is not how many girls i can lay but you already answered this one i know. I dont have a strong sex drive so you can call me lucky in this case.

It might seem i'm taking it very lightly but when i first read it stroke me hard. I would like to avoid the hollowness but i would also like to get a girlfriend. If i never got into the community i dont think i would stand a chance.

Cheers.

Dj PUA said...

Fuck Ciaran... FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU TO HELL.

I fucking hate you so much right now.

I fucking hate this man.

I hate this so much cause there isn't a shred of evidence within me that isn't screaming that you're right.

I don't want to believe this. I'm fighting every second of it and it's tearing me apart inside.

You've essentially torn down a entire belief network inside my head. My sense of reality is in complete disarray.

It's making me bitter, angry... making me feel like humanity is just fucked. Like what the fuck man?

I wanted to wait and figure this out... to get my thoughts together before I asked you anything. But now, I don't even know what to ask.

I'm just angry... just fucking angry.

(10 minutes later)

Ok, I took a few minutes away from the computer to calm down and gather my thoughts. So much I wanted to ask you.

First off, I just wanted to say, you are an incredibly gifted writer. Every one of your posts have offered so much insight and inspiration. You could probably turn turnips into an interesting topic.

(hell you made M.D. into a PU phenomenon... still not sure how the fuck you pulled that off)

But yes... all of your posts have offered me so much insight and this has been no different. In fact, maybe more insight then any of the rest COMBINED.

I dunno really how to describe why... but there's just something so genuine and pure about what you're trying to get across now.

Not sure if this is just coincidentally in line with Blueprint concepts of authenticity, offering value and being genuine. Maybe before, posts about S&A disguised as an offering of value was simply a means to feed your ever increasing ego.

I have always thought of you as an arrogant prick. I mean, you invented fool's mate game... you have to be (at least in my mind).

But you were the one that turned me onto Tolle. Changed my fucking life man. For a while, I was self-fullfilled. I felt great.

That has since gone away and my ego has returned in all of this. For a while I couldn't understand why... but maybe it's starting to make sense now.

But now, I must ask this burning question. What about the process? What about step up to your fears? Trasmuting fear into nimbus?

You can't possibly expect me to abandon it. I made a vow to myself that I would get this area of my life handled.

No way that I'm gonna fucking chode out, be afraid of women for the rest of my life... stay at home jacking off to an ever increasing collection of porn.

So unless there's an "alternative", and it better be a fucking good one (not just you being a smart ass when you don't have a proper answer), there's no way I'm going to stop doing this, even if I do see the path laid before me and a sign pointing straight to hell.

I almost feel like I'm fucked. Like totally and utterly fucked. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. Stay chode or gain the world but sell your soul to the devil.

Kinda like how Oedipus knows he's gonna screw his mom, tries to prevent it but does it anyways (analogy not completely on point but I say it anyways).

A part of me was debating whether to pose that question to you... like, "look to Ciaran the all knowing internet oracle for answers to your life's burning questions, in clever and witty rhetoric".

However, another part of me tells me that maybe the only thing I learned out of all of this is that, in order to know anything for certain, you must go off of first hand experiences.

All my life I've gotten my knowledge through second hand, even this. How to be a keyboard jockey 101.

Am I just following the next fucking trend of thought like some low attention span gnat?

Or maybe I just need to follow this path (seduction) and see the other side, let it all come full circle, before I can really put pick-up aside and get on with my life.

Or maybe as brilliant as you are, you were too smart for your own good, too prone to arrogance and it consumed you in the end.

At one point, I had a discussion with one of my wings. I told him that once I got good at this, I'm going to take a few months off and not even think pick-up. In this way, I let go of dependence on this skillset and not being afraid to lose it.

This was right in the middle of doing Tolle and I realized even then (at least a hint) that this would ultimately take into my ego structure. Of course, I don't think my wing really understood where I was coming from...

Anyways, when Jeffy came around New York, I was looking forward to finally being able to meet you, since I knew both of you were touring together.

When you didn't show, I didn't really think anything of it. Maybe I could have gotten some value out of it, learned a few things from the man behind shocking and awing.

But the truth is, I'm just another one of your fanboys. Another guy that would bask in the scent of your fart as they follow you around, micro-analyzing everything you do.

So you've led and after leading you realize you had no idea where the fuck you were going. The directions you got from the man on the corner, led you to a dark and empty alleyway with no end in sight.

And now you want redemption. So help me.

Give me the answer. And if the answer is "I don't know, you have to figure this out on your own", I'm going fly to Ireland and punch you in the face. (no really, I could use a trip... and I've always wanted to go to Ireland to do some face punching)

In all seriousness, look I'm not asking you to be my guru. But I'm not smart enough to figure this out on my own (or at least I don't think/believe).

If the answer really is to go out in the world and face up to it by yourself... well so be it. But that's gonna include getting successful with pick-up.

And if the answer is to study self-help, Tolle, Zen etc. outside of the context of pick-up... I dunno man...

I know people want your answers quickly. And I know you don't want to give them quickly. But what I say is this.

I'll still be here and my pick-up skillset isn't going to get handled overnight.

I know there must be a lot of pressure on you to deliver something truly profound. Probably something of your own doing perhaps.

But again, I understand this so take your time.

In the meantime... you can find me on the lonely walk to hell.

Haze PUA @ RSDN

Anonymous said...

OK, let's go into this really quick.

You said: " the truth remains that all through my work I never questioned that seduction might be irreparably damaging and inherently bad for you.

Often, it is not even what a thing contains that makes it corrupt, but what it does not contain. And what my work did not contain were the alarm bells I am trying so hard to ring right now."

If you knew of the "alarm bells" at the time of your writing those literary - as some would say - "classics", why didn't you go ahead and speak of them?

Was it the ego? Was it the fact that you were looked at as a God? Was it the fact that you had - not only girls - but all these guys on your dick? The fact that it essentially appeared to seem that you held the world in your palm?

If the bells were already ringing while you wrote your works, and you felt and knew that you must warn the followers, why did you refrain from giving out that warning?

This is all Devil's advocate shit. I read most of your shit and I never got one bad thing from it, unless you count embedding S&A into an arsenal that allows me to bed a girl the same night. But my psychology never fucked up. In fact, your work humbled me, calmed me, and shed light on a transcendence.

Thanks

Peace + Love you damn hippie

Dj PUA said...

Hey Ciaran,

I've given it a lot of thought since I posted to you asking you questions. In fact, it plagues my mind to no end however, I think I'm beginning to see the light a little.

I haven't quite worked this through but... it has something to go along the lines of self fulfillment outside the context of seduction, but deeper than that as well.

I struggled and searched to find meaning. Some semblance of hope, that humanity isn't all just fucked. That we're all not just a bunch of stimulus seeking, ego-slaved trolls (maybe more a reflection on myself). That there was a cure for my affliction.

In my search I came upon love... a desensitized word in our society, many times misused.

What does it mean to truly love? To be a fountain of offering value?

I reread this blog post and realized you touched upon this as well.

I also realize, if what you said was true, why you still endorse the Blueprint. It almost feels like this is the final click I was looking for.

Love... outside of the context of manipulation. Offering value without taking or expecting.

I don't know... this sounds fucking hippy but I feel a little better. I think I'm going to take up Tolle again, but this time for real.

I realize you can't possibly be 100% self fulfilled if what you really want is to fuck hot women. You really need to detach yourself from that desire.

And in the process, this issue with women will heal itself... because the issue with women, really isn't an issue with women at all. It's an issue with you.

Thank you Ciaran. I'll be around.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ciaran,

The comments on your last entry really struck a chord with me.

You said:

"You are not happy. If you were happy, you would not be pursuing this."

It really shocked me or about 5 mins.

I've realized I've used this stuff to medicate myself... much like I've used alchohol in the past in great amounts.

It all numbs the pain... and covers deeper problems I am reluctant to face.

For some reason this felt different than the drugs and alchohol...because legitimate self improvement stuff is taking place.

Feeling more social, healthy, up for challenges, I can face my fears, etc. are all positives gained from the community.

But... this stuff is good, but the ultimate is success with women.

After having a good night you feel great for a few days after... then next weekend you are back at square 1.

I've noticed this pattern now.

It's like missing the hit so to speak.

I'm really torn as what to do.

My success with women isn't even close to where I want, but I don't want to end up all fucked up.

Anyways, I'd love to chat with you over msn.

cheers

Anonymous said...

"The difference between the conception of the infinite held by Buddhists, and the conception of the infinite put forward by Christians (at least the ones who aren't too busy gay-bashing or shooting abortion doctors) is that the infinite has a personality.

That it, essentially, is a person. You can interact with it as you would interact with a person. It has a specific plan and agenda for you, as a person would. It has a very distinct character. It talks to you, and it listens to you when you talk back."

This view of the infinite as a person is very much similar to the view held in the Bhagavad Gita wherein Krisna is described as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Do you agree? Would you say the Hare Krisna's also have a conception of the infinite that is not different from Tolle's but actually deeper and more sophisticated?

Also, do you consider seduction for the purposes of pleasure as opposed to adulation to be any less corrupt or equally so? And do you believe seduction to be possible without the desire for adulation?

Thank you.

Ranger101 said...

Dude,

Good writing work, and I'm glad to see that you're brave enough to go with your convictions.

I've always seen the whole 'screw as many chicks as possible' thing as a fruitless pursuit - and like anything in life "everything in moderation". At the same time, you may know that I still do post and visit RSDN on a fairly regular basis. But I pick and choose to respond to topics and subjects that fit in with my value.

Fucking women after women doesn't fit in with my values. Excelling myself and realising myself as a person does. I've been exposed to the community for a few good years now - and you're right - it's tempting to fall into the mantra of fuckingasmanywomenaspossible ideal. At the same time however, I've managed to not fall into that trap and keep to my original intents. And i still value the commninity in it's regard for helping to empower men like me who had otherwise accepted that their lives were doomed to be lived unfuilfilled, lonely and tormented.

Ironically, those are the sentiments you expressed you have been currently feeling. I get that.

And I also think that it's very personal to you.

And unfortunately you also hold a lot of influence, especially with your finaely honed persuasive writing skills.

What I'm getting at in all of this, is, despite the fact that, yes, you have reduced a 3 year reputation to nothing in 5 or 6 days, you still have an immense persuasive influence on a lot of lives. Use it responsibly.

I'm glad you found these realisations. I hope you find the strength to really pursue what you're looking for. And, in reading back your first/second post on this blog, I hope it heads in that direction. There are a lot of men out there in this world who are in need of a signpost towards a positive state of being.

Much Love,

ranger101

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

its a great read ciaran, hey even if you think you re shit at everything else... you can write!"

Don't neg me, or I will gut you with your own face.

I don't even know what that would look like. It would probably take ages. A 'neg'. Jeeez louise.

"i eagerly await the next installment!

and while we re on the subject how much money and crack we talking??"

One hundred billion dollars.

And one large bag of crack.

Ciaran said...

"mzzarh said...

I just listened to the mp3 and re-read your post. Fucking hell. Amazing. I am shocked. I can't wait to see where you go with this."

Coolio. Stay tuned.

"Could you expand a bit more on channelling love? What do you mean by this? Do you mean those times when you're in the club nimbusing you're serving and loving the person you're interacting with?"

Nyeah, kinda. It's way deeper than that. From the point of view of an action you could map and then repeat, that you could analyze and breakdown mechanically, no.

No, not at all. There's no breaking this shit down, it's too big. I don't even know how to describe it other than saying it's like being the silent centre of a hurricane of compassion, openness, honesty and power.

Now look - this is not something you are going to be able to 'get' intellectually, although that is not to say we can't talk meaningfully about it.

But to really get it - to climb inside that fucker - you've got to build that broadband link. And serving is one totally crucial part of that. Not just in the action of it, but in the beingness of a servant, that true humility - that is a gateway that lets this shit through.

To my limited understanding I think I've just described the essential theological core of Islam, incidentally. Those of a racist disposition, turn away now.

"And the part by "Just Some Guy" about sharing love with someone... really got me thinking.

Originally I guess that's not why I got into it. I just felt like a weirdo. Like everyone else was out getting laid and had sexual experience and I had hardly any and I just wanted to be normal."

Cool. Ok, cool. This is fair enough, and although it is a different contingent goal to the 'Just Some Guy' thing, the points I made I think stand.

As in

1 - Good goal. Stick with it.
2 - You won't think this way for long, if you still do.

At the same time there is another thing that you especially should consider and it is this. Today's conception of normal is something that is

1 - commercially constructed by people who will use any method, means, or weak spot that is legal to hook you into buying some shit.

2 - Irreperably fucked, because it lauds Ben Affleck.

3 - Irreperably fucked anyway because our whole society is falling into deep despair, and the abandonment of hope.

So - when you say you want to be 'normal' I'd say fuck that. 'Normal' by the standards of the society in which we live is a self-indulgent, preoccupied whiney douche who's petty concerns blind him to the fact that both his society and his planet are dying.

Fuck normal.

If I were you I'd change that to something like 'strong'.

"I'd love to learn how to find love without continuing with the whole seduction thing."

Ok, firstly. Love, as in the woman you will eventually fall in love with and marry is not and CANNOT BE the be all and end all of your life.

I know you're not saying this, but we have so much bullshit pumped into our heads that tells us "if only we had the right woman, everything would be fine."

Not true. You need to get your fucking broadband connection to the infinite up and running. That's what's going to give you the clarity of purpose to know what your life is all about.

And in order to do that, we need to stop being a bunch of hippies and thinking about the infinite like an inert and apersonal object. We need to start referring to it by a name. I suggest the name 'God'. We need to start asking it questions, bringing our shit to it, asking for guidance and shutting up all the noise of arrogance in our minds so we have even the smallest chance of hearing the answer.

Simply put, we need to pray.

Oh, and one other thing - if you don't find this purpose, if you fall for the hollywood crap that a woman's going to make your life complete, every relationship you have will shatter. Sorry.

You need to have a purpose which is simultaneously much deeper and much higher than this. And you have one. You just have no idea what it is yet. Find out. Ask. And continue to ask until you know.

"But even then, I still feel that deep down what I really want is the sex."

You know what, you're right. You can't turn that off. You are a man. Of course you want sex. That's cool. Sex is cool.

Random fucking is not. And not because society doesn't THINK it's cool. Society applauds it in men.

Fuck society. Fuck it in it's commercialized, schizophrenic ass.

What you need to start doing is building your connection with God like a crazy motherfucker. Finding out why it is that you are alive, and living like that no matter how scary it may be. And from that place let me tell you mate - you are not going to lack for options as far as women go, because men like you will be rare as cut diamonds in the wild.

And then, you won't have to pussy out and just snuggle up with a girl who's going to come along and make everything ok.

You can provide her with all the things that men lack in this modern age, and all the things we chase and fail to find in the context of seduction.

Leadership.

Strength.

Power.

Honour.

Courage.

Purpose.

Direction.

"Maybe it's purely out of youthful curiosity. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I just can't even imagine a woman loving me, I don't know."

Maybe a woman couldn't love you right now, because you're a fucking mess.

Look - no flame. You and me are together in this, my friend. I beat you in the 'being a mess' competition.

But seriously.

Are you a mess? This hollow, superficial, money-driven society makes messes of men! Are you a mess?

No woman's going to love a mess!

So what are you going to do?

Learn game?

Dear Jesus, dude, can you see how much a 'modern solution' that is?

I mean can you see how all our problems with women are SYMPTOMS of something much deeper.

Which is, incidentally, why the best companies in the community are punching right deep down to find the real answers behind the questions raised by the phenomenon of men who cannot attract women.

Which is a pretty interesting phenomenon, if you think about it in isolation. For some reason, something incredibly powerful is undermining one of the two most crucial evolutionary drives!

That's big man. That's something big. And I would put forward that what is undermining us is the very ground on which we stand - our society itself and the superfical, hollow, spiritually bankrupt idols we are given to worship through the glowing box in the corner of the room.

Here's the crazy thing about Atheism. It isn't that they don't worship. Everyone worships.

They just don't worship God.

"I just feel like I've got to fuck around for a bit, just to get it out of my system you know? I've got to do it."

Look, I'm not going to tell you how to live mate. You make your own decisions. At the same time, I would advise that you tackle the real problem here, and don't just deal with one aspect of the symptoms.

Anonymous said...

Maybe I missed something.You said that we need to establish the broadband connection with the infinite/'God'.
But did you mention anything about how to do that?Was praying the answer?

Anonymous said...

Hey Ciaran, met you in St. Louis. Got a cool vibe from you, unlike Jeffy who, well...lets just say might want to re-read Tolle a couple times.

Reading through your stuff is like reading Tolle's: me thinking 'no, no, no' as I tune things out/disagree, and then coming across absolutely priceless gems in the process.

Hope you keep posting. Rare to hear the perspective that's not inside or outside (e.g., some random journalist) the community, but beyond the community.

Ciaran said...

Anonymous said...

Maybe I missed something.You said that we need to establish the broadband connection with the infinite/'God'.

I find it unlikely that you missed something, because this is the heart of what I'm actually saying.

But did you mention anything about how to do that?Was praying the answer?

Look, two things.

Firstly, I am not a prophet, nor am I sent from above. I'm just some dude, and I cannot spoon feed you your redemption.

Secondly, in terms of how to do this thing which I am suggesting, I think the attitude should be one that transcends method.

That is to say, let's Malcolm X this shit. By any means necessary, the man said. That's the approach I suggest we take, because anything less is pussy shit that isn't going to do a goddamned thing.

And in terms of 'prayer' I am not saying that you should recite some memorized shit from days of yore. I am saying that you need to do everything in your power to open these lines of direct communication. The 'answer' is YOU and YOUR WILLINGNESS to humble your shit and start taking reality seriously instead of sitting on your ass waiting for someone else to come up with the answer.

Anonymous said...

Is Nimbus the same as the Buddhist concept of enlightenment?
If not,how are they connected?
If no and they aren't,what the fuck is Nimbus?

Ciaran said...

Anonymous said...

"If you knew of the "alarm bells" at the time of your writing those literary - as some would say - "classics", why didn't you go ahead and speak of them?"

What do mean "as some would say - classics"? Screw you, hippy.

Kidding. Your scepticism is of course well placed.

I didn't talk about these things for a few reasons. Thing is, these reasons are not specific to me. I think a great many guys who have reached a high level of 'reputation' or 'renown' shall we say, within the community, would be able to relate very strongly with what I'm about to say.

The first thing is that in the community success is public and failure is private.

This isn't so much the case when you first get into it, but as you develop a rep and a following, you get this image that you constantly feel you have to live up to.

Moreover, people just kind of ignore it if you raise issues, because you're fixed in their head as, in my instance, the Shock and Awe guy.

Nonetheless, the real reasons are that these deep issues of internal worth, the things that dog the existences of the best guys in this, are seen as private demons to beat.

As such, it's not really a case of 'keeping it from people' so much as 'beating it yourself' and then sorting your shit out so you can help guy out.

The irony is of course that the problems that the good guys face - self-hate, lack of meaning, problems of internal worth, whatever - are exactly the problems the new guys face.

As such, because the states of mind of 'self-doubt' or 'self-loathing' are demonised in the community as 'AFC' or 'chode' or whatever, to talk candidly about their internal struggles would be to admit that the entirety of the path they have followed has not freed them from the original problem.

Now this runs deep, sonny jim. Because when you are deep into seduction you constantly oscillate between thinking "I'm almost there, just keep going" and "I'm there now! Woo!"

Of course, nothing lasts, and sooner or later you're back in the shit.

So how do you interpret the constant shit you keep landing in?

Well, it's simple. As

1 - Necessary suffering for those who choose to stand and fight - the "This is Sparta" mentality.

2 - Frame snapback. An interesting piece of community psychobabble that tries to frame an emotional collapse as a rare but accountable feature of a worthwhile journey.

3 - Just being a bitch. You get this a lot - because of the adolescent schoolboy part of you that is being fed by the very process of chasing chicks around the place, there is a constant atmosphere of schoolboy negativity and sniping which stops basically anyone with a rep from honestly discussing the deep pain of the hollow and worthless seducer.

"Was it the ego?"

Look, if you are talking about the conceptual identity and sense of self which I have, yeah, I'm sure it played a part.

At the same time, I'm just going to sound a note of caution here. We should all be very wary about simplistic reductionist accounts of the human mind. This is not to say that the word 'ego' is not useful in it's place, but let's not think of it like a cartoon villain, or that you can easily reduce any person's actions to 'ego' and then, with infinite complacency, tell yourself you understand them.

There is wisdom in that word, but there is a kind of faux wisdom which has arisen in the community recently, which grabs a hold of these concepts and reduces them to bullshit caricatures of what they actually refer to.

So watch yourself.

"Was it the fact that you were looked at as a God?"

Not really a God, mate. A superhero maybe. No-one built me any temples, that's for damn sure. Let's keep our feet on the ground here.

"Was it the fact that you had - not only girls - but all these guys on your dick?"

On my dick?

Um.

Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Yeah, never had fans that keen. If you're offering, I suppose you could always try to get me drunk.

But yeah, there's truth in what you say. There's a million things that can warp a man's mind in a community where glory is cheap and adulation is commonplace.

What I would say to you, and to all you reading this - is that even if you know about all this shit, you cannot just flick a switch and render yourself immune.

It's way more powerful than you. Ok? No-one gets out unaffected. No-one is squeaky clean enough to resist the myriad draws of this underground world.

And just a quick note - the things you say have some truth, but once you feel the reality of these things, it is not as you would expect it to be. It is far more insidious. And defeating it in the context of the community is like playing wak-a-rat.

You hit one thing down, two pop up. You hit those two down, three pop up behind you, and so on, and so forth.

This is because the very ground upon which you stand is against you. Seduction is fucked.

"The fact that it essentially appeared to seem that you held the world in your palm?"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnotreallyno.

It's less like you hold it in your palm - although there are definitely moments like this. Most of the time it's like it's just beyond your reach, and if you just keep going just one more step, you'll catch it and own it forever.

And sometimes it makes you think you've caught it. Then it slips through your fingers and the chase begins again.

And one day you look around and you have no idea how you ever got to where you are, and no idea how to get home.

"If the bells were already ringing while you wrote your works, and you felt and knew that you must warn the followers, why did you refrain from giving out that warning?"

More than anything else it was because I was hiding those warning bells from myself.

As I said, self-deceit. It's a killer.

"This is all Devil's advocate shit. I read most of your shit and I never got one bad thing from it, unless you count embedding S&A into an arsenal that allows me to bed a girl the same night."

I do. That's fucked, and I wish I'd never written that shit down. You have a higher calling than fucking random chicks and boasting about it on the internet.

And while you're playing 'Devil's Advocate' you are playing into the hands of hell.

As long as you are playing Devil's Advocate you are holding this problem away from you an jabbing your argumentative points at it to see how it moves.

What this tells me is that you are NOT seriously taking time to step back and look at yourself. This is something I have relentlessly failed to do over and over, which is probably why I can spot it.

That sort of dismissive, almost half-amused shit is something I used to pull out all the time. All you are doing is blinding yourself. And the problem with that is that this stuff doesn't give a flying fuck if you 'see' or not. It'll just fucking take you.

It'll just fucking take you.

"But my psychology never fucked up."

Ooooooooooooooo. This is very dangerous. This is a very, very dangerous thing to say, a very dangerous assumption to let yourself believe.

Just because you've crossed a road a thousand times doesn't mean you can't get hit by a truck, and if you think it does, you WILL get hit by a truck because you will not be taking the precautions you need to be taking in order to stop that from happening.

"In fact, your work humbled me, calmed me, and shed light on a transcendence."

Yeah, it did look like that, didn't it?

Ok, look. Again. I'm not saying there wasn't stuff in it that was of value. There was. BUT you can't take that shit in isolation.

Seduction is an arena which destroys the men who fight in it. Even if you win, you lose.

I honestly don't know what to tell you, mate. I don't know if you're going to be able to understand what I'm saying.

You see your problem is that you may well only be looking at this as a detached set of arguments.

And that means that you haven't understood anything.

Well, I guess that reality will out in the end. Don't forget I'm here if you fall off a cliff.

Good luck.

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

Is Nimbus the same as the Buddhist concept of enlightenment?"

No.

"If not,how are they connected?"

Not sure yet.

"If no and they aren't,what the fuck is Nimbus?"

Nimbus is the golden aura of holy light that surrounds a saint on earth.

Anonymous said...

hell yeah! thats what i'm talking about!! woooo wooo!!! cairans firing on all four cylinders now baby... this is cairanation

Anonymous said...

This is the most fucked up shit ever written on one page.
Like I can't even process it.

I am always trying to improve
that's why I always look for sources.

But I'll have to print these pageS
to understand wtf is being discussed.

Ranger@RSDN said...

Damn dude. Wow. Your response to Mzarahs post.

Listen, what you have written there has been my personal pursuit for like more than a year.

It's why I got actively involved with RSDN - albeit I also have a social development angle as well.

"But to really get it - to climb inside that fucker - you've got to build that broadband link. And serving is one totally crucial part of that. Not just in the action of it, but in the beingness of a servant, that true humility - that is a gateway that lets this shit through.

To my limited understanding I think I've just described the essential theological core of Islam, incidentally. Those of a racist disposition, turn away now."

Yes. Definately. I'm glad to have found someone else who has discovered this point of view.

Except, I've been running with the idea that I could make make the 'community' viewpoint and this viewpoint exist, side-by-side, in the same person, at the same time.

This has been my struggle for the past 8 months or so. And no, I haven't been successful as of yet.

I've been trying to be skilled socially, while at the same time maintaining a core (spiritual/religious) integrity. An integrity that includes utilising yourself for the better of mankind. The better of yourself.

The paradox of being a servant to God and the Master of Yourself escapes my mental clutches, despite my best efforts at this point. Okay, so I've been distracted by the efforts of RSD and the community movement somewhat; distracted by my 'little brain'.

The desire to be 'normal' is great, but overridden by my newfound desire to be absolutely authentic to the core.

Authenticity of desires, actions and intentions. If that means leaving the 'community'/RSDN in order to help develop this aspect of myself, so be it. If it means hanging about a bit longer in order to pick up some more useful insights (and not to mention, give back some), so be it.

You're absolutely right about refocusing your pursuits in life in extending beyond women. In my own display of selfishness, I assumed other people entered the community with a view to leave it at some point. Obviously, there are some who value being a "mPUA" as a lifelong ambition.

It's just that, we're coming (you moreso) from a position of wealth. By wealth I mean experience. You've been a rich man in the eyes of society, and now you've renounced it all for, in what can look like, a life of poverty. You've turned your back on to the cash cow, when some haven't even tasted milk. But you were a milkmaid long enough to become immune to smallpox, even if you don't milk the cow anymore (Jesus, I'm really straining this analogy!)

What I'm saying is, you're still bringing this bag of benefits with you, and theres some resentment that will follow that.

Look, you've touched on something very deep sir. Follow it through.

I'll keep in contact, because this is right up my street.

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

Your last comment explained some of the things i was wondering about.

"I would advise however, that you not pursue your goals -
especially regarding women - in seduction.

Where else can you?"

Ok - now this is a question which has come up before and will, I'm
certain, come up again.

Firstly, this is going to be the sole focus of this blog for the
forseeable future.

Ok. There IS an answer. That's the first thing.

But before we get to that answer, you need to really come to grips
with what I'm saying.

Now maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm mad, maybe I'm 'validationing', maybe
I'm doing any one of a million things that could mean that you are
fine to just ignore this stuff.

But if I'm not wrong, and I have - as I've said - really plumbed the
heights and depths of seduction in a really extreme way for an
extended period of time at a very high level - if I'm not wrong, then
this is not a question we can realistically pose.

You CANNOT ask 'Where ELSE can we do this'.

We can't say "where else can you sort your shit out with women" if
what we are doing is not going to sort our shit out with women.

Do you see what I'm saying? There's no point asking what alternative there is if what we are engaged in is NOT an alternative.

There's no point asking "where else can we do it" if we CANNOT DO IT HERE.

Do you see?

The question is not

"Where ELSE can we do it?"

The question is

"Where CAN we do it in the first place?"

This is totally crucial. Ok, now on to your next question:

"There is a lot of good stuff that community uses to become a
better man. I dont mean the material from PU gurus but the material like The Work by Byron Katie, Sedona method, EFT, David Deida books, deep spiritual insights on enlightment and so on."

Now this is fascinating.

All the stuff that you are mentioning is essentially about connecting with the infinity that shifts in and around us all.

Now look - here's what I think about all that shit. A lot of amazing ideas in it all. A lot of brilliant people making real headway into understanding the nature of the universe.

Now there's just one problem.

The conception of the infinite contained in these works is that of
boundless joy, of limitless being, of freedom from this world, and all
these things.

Sounds great, doesn't it?

And it is - for a while.

But the problem with this stuff, as with all spiritual pursuits which
see the infinite as apersonal, is that essentially, you cannot humble
yourself to the sea.

You cannot humble yourself to 'beingness' or 'freedom' or 'joy'
because these things are not people. There is not a personality here that you can actually abase yourself to.

"But I don't want to abase myself" I hear you cry.

Either you do it, or life will do it for you, is my answer.

The problem with ANY conception of the infinite which is apersonal is
that sustained humility to the infinite becomes impossible if you see the infinite as something fundamentally different to you.

That is to say, as something lacking in humanity.

So what you will get from all that shit you just mentioned, is a short
term release from spiritual bondage which will (usually pretty damn
quickly) morph into just one more way to think yourself superior to
everyone else.

Or indeed - ANYONE else.

Now this is incredibly subtle, and totally inavoidable. What it will
feel like is that you are becoming a spiritual expert. You will have a load of answers, you will know all the words.

Moreover, you will be able to 'free' others, by using your methods, effecting that rapid (though unsustainable) release from bondage.

Then it just comes back. Bigger, nastier, more sophisticated.

This from Wikipedia's entry on Byron Katie:

"There is some concern that the The School for the Work is a
potentially dangerous form of Large Group Awareness Training and has
aspects of cult programming[5] and mind control[6]. Some people close
to her organization suggest that Katie has lost her way and has
developed a messiah complex[7] and is accumulating money[8] with the
use of a large pool of unpaid labor.

Ok - now look. Maybe that's all BS, and the truth is that Byron Katie's work, much like the work

"It seems to me that what you're saying is that the context of
seduction makes it bad. But this methods i mentioned above remove your fears and the negative thoughts."

Think again, dude. The devil is cleverer than Byron Katie. EFT is
not magically invulnerable from the corruption of this world. Sedona
method cannot boast of a cohort of angelic guardians to protect it from being subsumed by the weakest parts of you and turned into something useless and shit.

Now look - all these things are actually really good, for one reason.

None of them work.

But having gotten deep into any of them, you will fast discover that there is an unseen world that is extremely fucking real.

This is important. At least you're not just some dipshit Dawkins
acolyte spouting stock litanies from the Church of Atheism.

However.

This issue of an apersonal God, an apersonal infinity, renders such
pursuits, no matter how insightful or sharp, ultimately useless in and
of themselves.

But that understanding is worth a great deal, let me tell you.

"Don't you think they could keep you in check?"

Nope.

"I'm interested have you done any of them?"

Yup.

Ok - you go on to quote me here. This is getting confusing. I'm quoting you quoting me. Fucking blogger.

"Full fucking 'I am God' pride. Like really powerfully. Not just a
little. And this is really where the biggest trap of the community
lies - for in this pride, the pride of the truly great seducer, lies
danger beyond all reason and hope.

This happened to me. It is something I have observed in others. It is not pretty. Nor is it bound to one methodology, philosophy on pickup, seduction style or any of that shit.

It is bound, very simply and very completely, with success in seduction."

Ok - that was you quoting some shit I just said. This is your comment on that:

I remember reading a buddhist book few years back and i cant find
it now which book it is. This is little what i remember. It describes the stages a man goes through to enlightment. You go through different stages (i dont remember the characteristics of them) to the stage where you feel like you are the God. The ego thinks it is the universe.

But that's not sustainable so you fall down through the stages you were back to the hell. Then you rise up again to oneness but this time you're not identified with your ego anymore. It's the universe who acts through you and you realize there is no you. And you cannot skip the stages. At least that's what the book said.

It seems similar to what you're going through. Maybe thats just a
coincidence but i doubt it."

Sounds like a good book. A little hippy, but we'll forgive it for now.

Ok - this issue.

The reason I wanted to reply to this is that this is going to come up over and over again.

The idea of "maybe I just need to do this, even if it fails, because I need to fail in this way in order to truly grow."

It is amazing the contortions the mind will put itself through to avoid the simple truth that the reason we are in this is NOT personal development and is NOT growth and is NOT self-discovery.

The reason we are in this, plain and simple, is fear.

Big, irrational fucking fear of being alone, afraid, powerless, weak, virgins for life, all sorts of shit.

Now a lot of the time there IS an issue that needs to be resolved. But this shit is the level of symptom. You might as well be spending 5 years learning to master your coughing fits if you are HIV positive.

The damage that is causing this problem is much deeper than you realise, and you are only feeding that damage by focusing on one of the external symptoms of it - that is, how women react to you.

Another thing. All this talk of "maybe I need to fail in order to grow" is ass-backward.

Listen, and understand.

There is nothing in Hell that points to Heaven.

Hitting rock bottom will not give you the answers you need to get to
the top, apart from the simple truth that rock bottom hurts like a
motherfucker.

Now - yes - that is an insight of sorts.

But here is the problem.

You probably won't ever really admit to yourself the profound depths of your failure. You will be so weakened by your addictions, your hungers and your hollowness that you will lie your ass off to yourself about why you hurt so much and what your options are.

I'm going to repeat that last sentence because it is so accurate of what the real destination of seduction truly is:

You will be so weakened by your addictions, your hungers and your hollowness that you will lie your ass off to yourself about why you hurt so much and what your options are.

There is no 'grand spiritual awakening' in the darkness.

There's just more and more rationalisations.

More and more lies.

Cities of self-delusion.

Whole worlds we construct like fucking Mausoleums of the soul.

And if you go right to the bottom of it, right deep down where no
light shines and really go there, there is nothing there but the
recognition of deep and total failure.

That is the epiphany you are so desperate to chase.

"I believe you can see what was good for you only when you look
back at the situation 5 to 10 years today."

What the fuck?

I mean, really, what the fuck kind of thing is this to say?

How the...

What the ....

I mean, what?

What?

What are you talking about?

No. Not at all. I just can't get my head around how totally ridiculous it is to say this! Like, what multitude of ridiculous decisions are you even taking?

This is not just wrong. This is EXACTLY wrong.

The truth is the OPPOSITE of what you think.

How we live our lives today, what we choose to do, how we choose to live - these are the critical determinants of what kind of men we will be in 5 and 10 years time.

Unless we take responsibility NOW for the trajectory of our lives, we're going to crash the fuck out, over and over.

To suggest that we can only really understand the consequences of things in 5 of 10 years and so we should just wait that long to assess the decisions we make today is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard anyone say in my entire life.

I mean, I just... I don't... I...

Dude, I just cannot even engage with that kind of thinking, it's so transparently dumb.

"I'm not that far down the path, i've just got comfortable with
people and being able to hold a conversation with girls so i dont know

Well clearly you've got a lot of work to do on yourself. I'm not disputing that. We all do. Just the path that you are on is going to veer off several fucking chasms. Ah, you'll find out.

"about what powers you are talking about that take you over although i'm aware it could happen to me also."

I've been trying to explain this for a while now. I'm not a superhero mate. If you want to travel this path, go nuts.

And you will.

"My intention is..."

Irrelevant. YOUR INTENTION IS IRRELEVANT.

"...not how many girls i can lay but you already answered this one i know."

What do you mean 'answered this one?' This isn't fucking jeopardy.

"I dont have a strong sex drive so you can call me lucky in this case."

I wouldn't say that's lucky at all mate. I would say you probably need to get involved in some kind of sport or something.

"It might seem i'm taking it very lightly but when i first read it
stroke me hard. I would like to avoid the hollowness but i would also like to get a girlfriend."

Then become a fucking man.

"If i never got into the community i dont think i would stand a chance."

Then become a fucking man.

Steve said...

Ciaran said: "You cannot humble yourself to 'beingness' or 'freedom' or 'joy'
because these things are not people. There is not a personality here that you can actually abase yourself to."

What is the purpose or necessity of abasing oneself?

Ciaran said:"The problem with ANY conception of the infinite which is apersonal is
that sustained humility to the infinite becomes impossible if you see the infinite as something fundamentally different to you."

But what if the infinite is apersonal?Then you are creating a fiction of the 'infinite with a personality' simply to enable yourself to abase yourself to it so that you can achieve whatever you think abasement will help you achieve.This is just lying to yourself unless you have a genuine reason to think that the infinite is personal and 'human'.

Ciaran said...

"Dj PUA said...

Fuck Ciaran... FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU TO HELL.

I fucking hate you so much right now.

I fucking hate this man.

I hate this so much cause there isn't a shred of evidence within me that isn't screaming that you're right.

I don't want to believe this. I'm fighting every second of it and it's tearing me apart inside.

You've essentially torn down a entire belief network inside my head. My sense of reality is in complete disarray.

It's making me bitter, angry... making me feel like humanity is just fucked. Like what the fuck man?

I wanted to wait and figure this out... to get my thoughts together before I asked you anything. But now, I don't even know what to ask.

I'm just angry... just fucking angry."

Um... Sorry about that.

"(10 minutes later)

Ok, I took a few minutes away from the computer to calm down and gather my thoughts. So much I wanted to ask you.

First off, I just wanted to say, you are an incredibly gifted writer. Every one of your posts have offered so much insight and inspiration. You could probably turn turnips into an interesting topic.

Turnips are fascinating. It was used by Leonhard von Keutschach, prince-archbishop of Salzburg as a device on his coat-of-arms symbolizing steadfastness and resilience.

"(hell you made M.D. into a PU phenomenon... still not sure how the fuck you pulled that off)"

Matt Damon.

"But yes... all of your posts have offered me so much insight and this has been no different. In fact, maybe more insight then any of the rest COMBINED."

Well spotted. Yes, it does rather feel that way, like I'm no longer fighting the tide, trying to convince myself of this or that.

"I dunno really how to describe why... but there's just something so genuine and pure about what you're trying to get across now."

Thanks, man.

"Not sure if this is just coincidentally in line with Blueprint concepts of authenticity, offering value and being genuine."

"Maybe before, posts about S&A disguised as an offering of value was simply a means to feed your ever increasing ego."

Yes, I think that's pretty accurate. On the one hand they were the most effective things I wrote in terms of materially impacting your ability to pull. At the same time, I didn't really go into mentioning the place where they lead. Suppose I was still thinking that the reason it got so dark was because there was something wrong with me, and not the path itself.

The ironic thing is that what was wrong with me was the path itself.

Well, no time like the present, as they say.

"I have always thought of you as an arrogant prick. I mean, you invented fool's mate game... you have to be (at least in my mind)."

*looks arrogant*

"But you were the one that turned me onto Tolle. Changed my fucking life man. For a while, I was self-fullfilled. I felt great.

That has since gone away and my ego has returned in all of this. For a while I couldn't understand why... but maybe it's starting to make sense now."

Yeah, it's a weird one. And Tolle is amazingly insightful - that hasn't changed. And on top of that I think he gives random guys who elsewise would never have even looked at the unseen the doorway to and the proof of the limitless realm of the infinite.

So the goal isn't so much changed as raised - how do we get back there? How do we channel that, and dwell in that?

These are the fucking questions to ask.

"But now, I must ask this burning question."

Burn away, my chum.

"What about the process? What about step up to your fears? Trasmuting fear into nimbus?"

Honestly? I'm not sure. I new to this path myself.

Truth be told though, I don't think that's something to be necessarily discarded.

It's just that doing it in the context of seduction gives a very 'dirty high' so to speak. There's too much fallout, too many side effects, too many slippery slopes and red herrings and false peaks and all that shit.

Putting these principles into action elsewhere though? Yeah, maybe. Maybe indeed.

"You can't possibly expect me to abandon it."

This isn't about abandoning it. This is about pursuing it properly in a context where it can be found and not just lost.

The problem with transmuting fear into nimbus in the context of seduction is that the nimbus is transmuted into arrogance, pride and hubris. This makes it short lived and unsustainable, sure.

But I think the real charge against such a thing is that it is only really of 'recreational' value.

Like - recreational nimbus. It's like the 'recreational enlightenment' of a Zen Master who understands everything and doesn't do anything.

"I made a vow to myself that I would get this area of my life handled."

Cool. So do it. Just realise that if you do it in the context of seduction you'll end up either

1 - Broken and alone
2 - Lost in self-delusion
3 - Unhappy and unable to change

The 'happiness' of the great seducer is no more or less than the sneering superiority of the truly lost.

"No way that I'm gonna fucking chode out, be afraid of women for the rest of my life... stay at home jacking off to an ever increasing collection of porn."

Well I should hope not.

"So unless there's an "alternative", and it better be a fucking good one (not just you being a smart ass when you don't have a proper answer), there's no way I'm going to stop doing this, even if I do see the path laid before me and a sign pointing straight to hell."

Ok, look. I understand exactly where you're coming from. This is probably exactly how I would have reacted if someone had said this shit to me and I'd have had the balls to listen.

That is to say "I get it. I would rather burn than rot. Fucking come on then, Hell, let's see what you have."

Cool. Really, awesome.

However.

Let us chiiiiiiiiill for one moment.

Look, all this effort and fear and pain is predicated on the assumption that if success is there, we have to struggle and strive against all odds and if we're really lucky we'll go down in a blaze of glory rather than fizzling out like every other motherfucker.

Ok, here's a new thought.

What if this 'infinity' is not only a personal thing that can interact with you.

What if it wants to?

What if the other side of the equation wants to make contact with you as much as you do with it?

What if 'nimbus' - that ravening state that renders all questions of 'seduction' irrelevant - is something that wants you as much as you want it?

Seduction is only as good as it gives you the ability to access this peak state. Everything else is pussy shit of the highest order.

And seduction cannot sustain this state.

So why not look and see if we can apply the principles we have - extreme action, extreme focus, extreme dedication - to breaking that fucker wide open.

The seduction community has tapped into something much, much bigger than itself.

And that extreme power, the power of true humility, true servanthood, true internal peace and true compassion, power, love and courage - that is the goal.

Essentially, Sainthood.

Anyone who's looking for an excuse to leave, that should do you fine.

"I almost feel like I'm fucked. Like totally and utterly fucked. Damned if I do and damned if I don't."

Goth.

"Stay chode or gain the world but sell your soul to the devil."

Or - drive your soul into the hands of God and see what he fucking does with it.

"Kinda like how Oedipus knows he's gonna screw his mom, tries to prevent it but does it anyways (analogy not completely on point but I say it anyways)."

Your mum, more like.

"A part of me was debating whether to pose that question to you... like, "look to Ciaran the all knowing internet oracle for answers to your life's burning questions, in clever and witty rhetoric"."

Oh, you.

"However, another part of me tells me that maybe the only thing I learned out of all of this is that, in order to know anything for certain, you must go off of first hand experiences."

Ok, I covered this in a past answer. Essentially, sure if you wanna you could try this. But you are not likely to come back out. Hell is not a pit. It is a labyrinth. And the only way to be certain that you will get to the bottom is to crash out completely. Like total fucking breakdown crash out.

And even then you may well just wait to recover, lie to yourself, and go right back into it.

"All my life I've gotten my knowledge through second hand, even this. How to be a keyboard jockey 101.

Am I just following the next fucking trend of thought like some low attention span gnat?

Or maybe I just need to follow this path (seduction) and see the other side, let it all come full circle, before I can really put pick-up aside and get on with my life."

Again, read the last big comment I posted, I go into this in a lot of depth.

There is no 'karmic wheel'. You do not 'automatically' come out the other side.

Many do not. They just lose everything, lie to themselves about having lost it and sit in shit forever.

The true horror of hell is that all the lures it tempts you with will themselves be taken from you in the end.

"Or maybe as brilliant as you are, you were too smart for your own good, too prone to arrogance and it consumed you in the end."

Yeah, maybe. Maybe there's someone out there with the self-discipline, internal strength, power, and iron will to hold their shit together after doing this for 1 year, 2 years, 3, 4, 5, whatever - and suddenly becoming the embodiment of their adolescent fantasies.

If this isn't you, you will rampage your ass off, it will go to your head, warp the way you look at the world and you will fall.

If this is you and you really are that self-controlled, you wouldn't be in the community to begin with because you'd never, ever be afraid of anything.

"At one point, I had a discussion with one of my wings. I told him that once I got good at this, I'm going to take a few months off and not even think pick-up. In this way, I let go of dependence on this skillset and not being afraid to lose it.

This was right in the middle of doing Tolle and I realized even then (at least a hint) that this would ultimately take into my ego structure. Of course, I don't think my wing really understood where I was coming from...

Anyways, when Jeffy came around New York, I was looking forward to finally being able to meet you, since I knew both of you were touring together.

When you didn't show, I didn't really think anything of it. Maybe I could have gotten some value out of it, learned a few things from the man behind shocking and awing.

But the truth is, I'm just another one of your fanboys. Another guy that would bask in the scent of your fart as they follow you around, micro-analyzing everything you do."

*feels paranoid*

"So you've led and after leading you realize you had no idea where the fuck you were going. The directions you got from the man on the corner, led you to a dark and empty alleyway with no end in sight."

Essentially, yes.

"And now you want redemption. So help me.

Give me the answer. And if the answer is "I don't know, you have to figure this out on your own", I'm going fly to Ireland and punch you in the face. (no really, I could use a trip... and I've always wanted to go to Ireland to do some face punching)"

I'm actually in England.

And one thing. Sorry mate. No answer for you.

I've spelled out up above where my thoughts are at - but bear in mind that I am just some fucking dude.

No more guru shit. None. You know where I am now - what the fuck do you think the answer is? You tell me.

Cos it's not in pickup mate.

"In all seriousness, look I'm not asking you to be my guru. But I'm not smart enough to figure this out on my own (or at least I don't think/believe)."

Yes you are, and yes you are.

"If the answer really is to go out in the world and face up to it by yourself... well so be it. But that's gonna include getting successful with pick-up."

It means getting a good woman. I don't think pickup gets you that. Or worse - it gets you that, but your head is so full of nonsense that it takes it from you.

Or worse - you're so shit hot at manipulating everyone including yourself that you hold the entire relationship together through force of manipulation, even manipulating yourself into believing that you're having fun when it's fucking hollow and there is nothing there for you but emptiness, image and lies.

This is real, guys. That's really real. Seduction is not an alternative.

"And if the answer is to study self-help, Tolle, Zen etc. outside of the context of pick-up... I dunno man..."

Hmm. I think that stuff like Tolle is good for opening some lines of communication.

But think about this mate.

Back in the day when the community began, no-one had any idea how to get good with women.

They just had a goal.

They pioneered it, and once they got there they honed it.

But they had no idea how to get there. They just knew that 'there' existed.

So here's the goal.

Sustainable Nimbus. Full broadband connection with the infinite. Full hand of God shit, up in this piece.

How do we get there?

Hmm.

Well, let's find out.

"I know people want your answers quickly. And I know you don't want to give them quickly."

Don't have the answers. Just got a few speculations that I'm going to be exploring.

"I'll still be here and my pick-up skillset isn't going to get handled overnight.

I know there must be a lot of pressure on you to deliver something truly profound. Probably something of your own doing perhaps."

No, if I'd have known this was going to happen I would have hidden in a bag.

"But again, I understand this so take your time.

In the meantime... you can find me on the lonely walk to hell.

Haze PUA @ RSDN"

Wotcha Haze. Keep your finger on the pulse, man. We'll see how things transpire.

Ciaran said...

"Steve said...

Ciaran said: "You cannot humble yourself to 'beingness' or 'freedom' or 'joy'
because these things are not people. There is not a personality here that you can actually abase yourself to."

What is the purpose or necessity of abasing oneself?"

Actually answered that in the next sentence after the one you quoted, but I'll extend the answer for the hard of hearing.

Arrogance is like frozen Nimbus. You had success, you've been on fire, flying away and kicking ass. Then you think that that success is part of you, and you form your identity around it.

This is an incredibly complex process, BTW - I'm massively oversimplifying here. Just knowing that this takes place is not enough to stop it.

Humility cannot exist in a vacuum. You have to be humble to something and humility, among other things, guarantees the free flow of your self.

There is no 'static construct' that you say "look, I did this" or "I did that" to pull you away from the flow of infinity, or what Eckhart Tolle would refer to as 'the Now.'

However - no-one is that humble. Your shit grows back and you constantly need to slough it away.

Repentance is the mechanism by which you do that. Repentance is the mechanism whereby you break free of the structures of pride and arrogance that have grown up around you and your situation.

You have to repent TO something.

Moreover, you have to repent to something that is going to forgive you.

Furthermore, you need to repent to something which has the authority to do that.

If you don't do this, the higher you fly the more prideful you will be and the heavier you will get.

And you will fall.

"Ciaran said:"The problem with ANY conception of the infinite which is apersonal is
that sustained humility to the infinite becomes impossible if you see the infinite as something fundamentally different to you."

But what if the infinite is apersonal?Then you are creating a fiction of the 'infinite with a personality' simply to enable yourself to abase yourself to it so that you can achieve whatever you think abasement will help you achieve.This is just lying to yourself unless you have a genuine reason to think that the infinite is personal and 'human'."

Ok, good question.

How do we know it has a personality?

Well, how do you know that I have a personality?

You talk to me.

And I reply.

You want my answer - sure. Here it is. Fucking check.

Find out.

Really start asking. Really start talking. Really start exploring this conception of the infinite.

Because I'll tell you what's NOT going to give you an answer on this question - and that's analyzing it, or waiting for someone else to argue you into it.

Find a church that's full of awesome coolness and make it a regular haunt. Go each Sunday. Don't just pray. Pray extremely intensely for extended periods of time. Ask God for help. Ask God to put your doubt in him beyond all use. Ask over and over, and really ask.

If there's a God with a personality who is listening and really interested in building a genuine relationship with you, you'll find out like this and no other way.

I'll be posting up more about this as time goes by. Stay tuned.

scott said...

"ciaran said...

So here's the goal.

Sustainable Nimbus. Full broadband connection with the infinite. Full hand of God shit, up in this piece.

How do we get there?"

Why is this not just another alternative? I am reading that you have replaced one goal with another.. Another place to reach, more grasping, more desire. I can't see the end of suffering here.

Your recent posts have reminded me that before stumbling across the community I was strongly considering monkhood.

Maybe the only way to transcend society and unhappiness is to truly accept that you don't need anything here and leave.

Maybe going to church every Sunday and drilling your head with a Christian Blitzkreig is only going to take you down another path of delusion.

I will be following you closely and providing my input wherever this goes.

A personalised infinity is something I'm willing to explore. Just one thing though - I seriously doubt I will ever be able to accept that Jesus was God, some sort of anomoly in reality. What is your opinions on such belief?

Ciaran said...

"scott said...

"ciaran said...

So here's the goal.

Sustainable Nimbus. Full broadband connection with the infinite. Full hand of God shit, up in this piece.

How do we get there?"

Why is this not just another alternative? I am reading that you have replaced one goal with another.. Another place to reach, more grasping, more desire. I can't see the end of suffering here."

Clearly you have never felt Nimbus.

"Your recent posts have reminded me that before stumbling across the community I was strongly considering monkhood.

Maybe the only way to transcend society and unhappiness is to truly accept that you don't need anything here and leave."

Pure cowardice.

"Maybe going to church every Sunday and drilling your head with a Christian Blitzkreig is only going to take you down another path of delusion."

Yeah? Well who's going to be the one to check and who's going to be the one to stand on the sidelines like a bitch, watching someone else live life for them.

"I will be following you closely and providing my input wherever this goes."

Oh right. You then.

"A personalised infinity is something I'm willing to explore."

Well that's very noble of you. Have a cookie.

"Just one thing though - I seriously doubt I will ever be able to accept that Jesus was God, some sort of anomoly in reality."

Then pray to Jesus, and pray this.

Dear Lord Jesus, if you are God, put my doubts beyond use.

"What is your opinions on such belief?"

My opinions on such a belief are nothing compared to my opinions on the pathetic nature of intellectual cowardice.

You have no fucking idea who he was. As such, the jury's still out. And to be completely honest, if you are drawing dividing lines over what you are and are not going to accept as true before you've even really delved into this, you may as well just give the fuck up right now.

Because you aren't really looking.

You're just being a douche.

And as far as it goes with Jesus? Yeah, I think he probably was. There's some extremely compelling evidence that points strongly in that direction.

But if someone had taken a phoneclip of the resurrection and put that fucker on youtube, it would bounce off you like rain if you didn't have the balls to actually leave your preconceptions behind and honestly look.

brandon said...

To me, you wouldn't worry so much about the specifics rather than just getting the connection itself. If religion (and specifically, Christianity) isn't your thing, then make your own way.

Mark said...

Hey man, you're writing has been very moving for me. And cheers to finding your true path. Nothing but the best to you.

Why all this knocking of feeling good. I have come to similar hollow feelings about the community, but not about feeling good. The path goes up and down. The journey is the adventure. Let's find a way to feel as good as possible about it all.

Anonymous said...

Ciaran,

This is a gift I want to give to you and nothing more. It requires no scrutiny nor need it be an element of debate. A gift and no more.

By certain accounts if my memory serves me, you refer to yourself as being of Scottish descent. Consequently, you also mentioned in a post that you grew up in a suburb of Dublin.

Either the case, your Northern European blood might find value in the following.

Lyrics of the Song, 'Love Rescue Me', performed by U2, written by Bono 'AKA Paul Hewson' and Bob Dylan.

If you are not familiar, check out the U2 album 'Rattle and Hum'.

God Bless you friend.

Ryan

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Love rescue me
Come forth and speak to me
Raise me up and don't let me fall
No man is my enemy
My own hands imprison me
Love rescue me

Many strangers have I met
On the road to my regret
Many lost who seek to find themselves in me
They ask me to reveal
The very thoughts they would conceal
Love rescue me

And the sun in the sky
Makes a shadow of you and i
Stretching out as the sun sinks in the sea

I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
love rescue me

In the cold mirror of a glass
I see my reflection pass
See the dark shades of what I used to be

See the purple of her eyes
The scarlet of my lies
Love rescue me

though I walk
In the valley of shadow
I will fear no evil
I have cursed thy rod and staff
They no longer comfort me
Love rescue me

On the hill of the son
I'm on the eve of a storm
And my word you must believe in

I'm here without a name
In the palace of my shame
love rescue me

I've conquered my past
The future is here at last
I stand at the entrance
To a new world I can see
The ruins to the right of me
Will soon have lost sight of me
Love rescue me

Anonymous said...

What if the "Nimbus" isn't anything spiritual at all, maybe its just-the-next-feeling

Artisan said...

Good luck Ciaran.

Anonymous said...

wWhy do you think that I have only felt nimbus in the context of pickup?

Well thats not exactly true, sometimes it just hits me, but I have never felt it before getting into this. Maybe there is a lesson there, like "Maybe this is a good thing". Admittedly, if I feel it I'm immeddiately scanning for babes.

What other uses can/does it have? Can I get an example of this "Clean Nimbus"?

Anonymous said...

Ciaran,

I did what you said. I closed my eyes and folded my hand together, and prayed to Jesus the following prayer.

"Dear Lord Jesus, if you are God, put my doubts beyond use. I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that you died for my sins, were resurrected from the dead, are alive, and hear my prayer. I invite you to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."

Then I opened my eyes and looked around the room and to my surprise I discovered that I still don't have a girlfriend.
Do you recommend I repeat the prayer, this time on my knees? Please help.

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

What if the "Nimbus" isn't anything spiritual at all, maybe its just-the-next-feeling"

No, it's spiritual all right.

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous Mark said...

Hey man, you're writing has been very moving for me. And cheers to finding your true path. Nothing but the best to you."

Cheers dude.

"Why all this knocking of feeling good. I have come to similar hollow feelings about the community, but not about feeling good. The path goes up and down. The journey is the adventure. Let's find a way to feel as good as possible about it all."

Oh, fo sho. But it's not 'feeling good' that I'm knocking. It's using 'good feelings' as a compass to direct your life with.

And no-one had ever acheived anything great - or indeed anything even mediocre - by doing that.

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

Why do you think that I have only felt nimbus in the context of pickup?"

Yeah, I'm not sure yet. I think it's to do with fear and the fact that hitting on chicks, making lots of approaches, punches holes through the fear that cocoons us and into the infinite.

It's not something that you usually do in your daily life.

"Well thats not exactly true, sometimes it just hits me, but I have never felt it before getting into this."

Yes, me too. Although with retrospect, I'm not certain. Perhaps we just recognise it because we experience it more often and have a name for it. Perhaps not.

"Maybe there is a lesson there, like "Maybe this is a good thing". Admittedly, if I feel it I'm immeddiately scanning for babes."

Yes, me too and that's kind of the problem. Your 'Nimbus' becomes context specific. It's like that's what you've conditioned yourself to do in that state so once you hit that state you instantly look to do it.

"What other uses can/does it have?"

Well that's a good question. The fact is that the last time I went fully ablaze it suddenly hit me that my mind was supercharged. Like 1000% quicker and sharper, and 1000% clearer. This incredible pure clarity of thought that let me cut to the heart of everything instantly.

I would also not talk at length, but just say the shortest, most mindblowing and profound shit. It was cool as fuck.

I thought - hang on a second, this is like the answer to everything (kinda). It's like a state in which all the most intractable problems suddenly become easy to solve.

Now we normally use this to get chicks into bed, because it works socially, but hold on just one cotton-picking minute.

This is fucking potent shit. How powerful would a book be if you wrote it in the state of Nimbus? Or a play, or a film? If you give a speech when you're full nimbus, your audience explodes in agreement. You can hold a person, a room, a stadium rapt - maybe even a world if you can find a big enough megaphone.

On top of that is the sense of total peace and love that flows through you like some dam has just burst.

It's pretty cool.

"Can I get an example of this "Clean Nimbus"?"

Nyeah, it's only hypothetical right now, but I heard a speech last night from Martin Luther King. You can hear it in his voice, that richness and soft (but unbelievably strong) power.

I think Barack Obama has something of the nimbus about him. Shit just bounces off that dude, and he speaks simply, but to the heart of people.

And think about it - he came out of fucking nowhere and now he may well (fingers crossed) be president. That's pretty fucking impressive.

Truth be told it's kinda hard to think of peeps in the modern age, but if you look back at the Saints, they're consistently drawing whole crowds and just converting massive numbers in an hour or some shit. That's nimbus right there.

Very powerful stuff.

Ciaran said...

Blogger Ciaran said...

Blogger Ciaran said...

Ok, this next response.

I did, in all fairness, laugh out loud (or lol in text-speak) when I read this. I sincerely hope this person is being as facetious as I think they are.

Ok - on to the comment.

"Anonymous said...

Ciaran,

I did what you said. I closed my eyes and folded my hand together, and prayed to Jesus the following prayer."

*winces*

"Dear Lord Jesus, if you are God, put my doubts beyond use. I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that you died for my sins, were resurrected from the dead, are alive, and hear my prayer. I invite you to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."

That's actually not a bad prayer in all fairness.

"Then I opened my eyes and looked around the room and to my surprise I discovered that I still don't have a girlfriend."

I am shocked.

"Do you recommend I repeat the prayer, this time on my knees? Please help."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Ok. Hmmmmmmm.

Not sure where to begin here.

Firstly, I take your point. There are a lot of sanctimonious bastards who, under the name of Christianity, advise that you treat your relationship with God as you would treat a magic lantern that you had found in the desert.

That you wish and wish and wish, and kablammo, God sends a Chevy, or whatever.

This rot sinks deeper still though. It is the idea that taking control of our lives involves 'ritual' or 'piety'.

That we should 'fold our hands' or 'get on our knees' in order to curry favour with a God who seems to like that kind of thing, and if he's feeling extra specially generous, he'll grant our wish.

Mostly though, he just stays aloof and silent, because we are not worthy.

As such, I think that this is a really good blog response because it allows me to really clear up exactly what I think about that kind of religiosity.

I think it's a steaming pile of elephant wank.

I think it's about as much use as a chorus of 'Ebony and Ivory' in a KKK rally.

I think it has the same chance of having an effect as Ann Widdecombe does of raising an erection from a 90 year old man.

And for all you Americans reading this who aren't sure who Ann Widdecombe is - the chance is extremely slim to say the least.

So often we are presented with a view of the infinite that gives us specific prayers to pray, specific things to do. This leads us into thinking of prayer as a kind of magical incantation -- or worse, as a kind of begging bowl where if we plead enough God will be willing to throw us a bone.

Both of these views are entirely fucked.

The point here is not to -- even if it were possible which it is not -- get a girlfriend by just wishing for one.

The point here is to build and forge and maintain - over time - a link to that infinity which we spend most of our lives running from.

The point is to get lines of communication up and running, and not just communication of information in the form of guidance or comfort.

But the communication of power itself.

This is about building a link between you and the infinite which makes you a conduit for his power, love, wisdom and grace to blast through into this world like a motherfucking jackhammer.

Is this making sense?

Ok - so. If you prayed that prayer, cool. Nice. And as Po once poignantly noted, 'again, again.'

At the same time, this shit is going to do zip if all your doing is reciting the words.

Genuinely enquire. Genuinely look, and genuinely listen. God's not going to jump through the first hoop you set up for him if all your life you've lived in rebellion to and ignorance of him.

And not even because he wants to punish you for that rebellion, or that ignorance. But because the real action here is not in fulfilling your contingent wishes, like 'I want a girlfriend' or 'I want a new car' or 'I wish my dick was three feet long and made of gold.'

The real action here (although granted, the dick thing would be cool) is in building the connection between you (as in your mind, self, whatever), your reason for being here (your purpose, destiny, whatever) and the staggering power you're going to need to achieve that (God, nimbus, the infinite - whatever you want to call it).

So prayer does not exist to serve your purposes, probably because your purposes are fucked.

Is that really so hard to believe? I mean, can we really believe that we have been raised in the most spiritually bankrupt, insane and materialistic society that has ever existed on this planet, and yet our goals are absolutely fine?

I mean, come on guys. If even 1% of this Christianity shit is true, this whole world is well beyond fucked, and we with it.

Or what's the alternative? I mean, we each of us surely, regardless of our beliefs, know that this society is fucked up in many different ways. So for us - and our goals - to be good, we would have to believe that we live in the midst of a million different kinds of corruption and yet WE are magically untouched by it.

Hmmmmmm.

It stretches credibility to believe this, I fancy.

Specifically, why do you want a girlfriend? Is it because you want someone to hold you? To fuck you? To be your chick so all your friends will be like "hey look at his chick, she's real pretty"?

Is it because you think you deserve one? It it because you think you should get laid when everyone else seems to be fucking?

Because if it's any of those reasons, I think God is very right in not giving you one.

Think about it. If it's true and he really does love us, he's not going to entrust a woman (who he loves) to a man who wants her for what he can get out of her.

I wouldn't trust my sister to a dude like that.

But if there was a guy who was not interested in what he could get from a woman, but instead what he could give to her, now that's a different proposition entirely.

But of course in order to be able to give something, that man needs to have something. In order to give leadership, or strength, or love, or care, that man needs to be more than just someone sneering at the world, or someone out to impress others, or someone out for what he can get.

You see, the best in the community, the very very best, all realise that it is in giving that your real power lies.

HOWEVER.

I do not believe it is possible to separate the 'giving of value' from the source of all value itself.

Moreover, if you - as I did - use that power selfishly to fulfill your little ego-fantasies of being a pimp - you will fast discover the inescapable natural justice that governs the affairs of men.

As I did.

Prayer doesn't change God. It changes you. Humble your shit the fuck up, or you will never see the power of which I speak.

Oh, and in answer to your question.

Don't clasp your hands together.

Don't close your eyes.

But next time you pray mate - I would kneel if I were you. And fucking mean it.

Anonymous said...

It definitely is deeper than the ocean metaphor!!

I wish more Christians would read up on Zen/Bhuddism because they don't fully understand their faith and hence give other christians a bad name and/or portray their faith in a negative light.
I think there is a quote in the bible that says "My people perish from a lack of knowledge".

Tis nice to see a change of heart in you dude.

To be honest, when I first checked your blog out, the article I read was very anti-christ-like and so was immediately put off and haven't come back till I heard you had left the community.

But I definitely will be visiting more often now.

I'm not a christian, but was brought up that way and so I won't depart from it.

My friend and I always debate about religion (not in the way you speak of in this article) and which is authentic.

For me personally, I think Zen/Bhuddism comes very close to the truth. And don't get me wrong, I love Zen Bhuddism.

But the thing that seals it for me is that Jesus says "I am the way", not nature, not being, not consciousness.

However, alot of people will come up with egoic arguments to try to disprove the christian faith.

And you can't prove any "religion/faith", otherwise what would you need faith for, right.

Later dude ;)

Rayn

Ciaran said...

"Dj PUA said...

Hey Ciaran,

I've given it a lot of thought since I posted to you asking you questions. In fact, it plagues my mind to no end however, I think I'm beginning to see the light a little."

Coolio.

"I haven't quite worked this through but... it has something to go along the lines of self fulfillment outside the context of seduction, but deeper than that as well."

Good, mate. This is great.

"I struggled and searched to find meaning. Some semblance of hope, that humanity isn't all just fucked. That we're all not just a bunch of stimulus seeking, ego-slaved trolls (maybe more a reflection on myself). That there was a cure for my affliction.

In my search I came upon love... a desensitized word in our society, many times misused."

Yes, that is really all that's left in the end, isn't it?

"What does it mean to truly love? To be a fountain of offering value?"

Think about this - a fountain is no more than a mechanism that pumps the water from the deep up into the sky.

Be the mechanism.

"I reread this blog post and realized you touched upon this as well.

I also realize, if what you said was true, why you still endorse the Blueprint. It almost feels like this is the final click I was looking for."

Cool man.

"Love... outside of the context of manipulation. Offering value without taking or expecting."

Yes - this is part of it. One of the problems with seduction though is that even though you can do this, it's basically impossible to maintain it. In fact, I'm increasingly starting to think that it's hard enough to build a relationship like this with just one woman, let alone in the maelstrom of the club scene. Still, I think that it is possible, at least in theory, to do that. I don't think it's possible, even in theory, to build this kind of character in the context of seduction.

"I don't know... this sounds fucking hippy but I feel a little better. I think I'm going to take up Tolle again, but this time for real."

Cool. Tolle has an exceptional insight. Just remember what I'm saying about the personal/apersonal conceptions of infinity.

I think that Tolle's insight is exceptional at rapidly building a bridge between your silence stillness and the stillness of the infinite, but to build a connection with God strong enough to allow you to walk as a warrior, not just sit like a sage, that connection must involve the personal also.

"I realize you can't possibly be 100% self fulfilled if what you really want is to fuck hot women."

Mmmm. Kinda, but I'd say it's more that deep down the desire to fuck hot women is not the deepest or most crucial desire we have. There are other, deeper hungers, hungers for meaning and purpose, direction and the fulfillment of destiny that underlie all those impulses, no matter how powerful they may initially seem.

"You really need to detach yourself from that desire."

Here again is my problem with a lot of Buddhist thought. I don't think it's about detaching yourself from the desire as such. It's not that simple. It's not a case of 'desire bad, detachment good.'

It's more that the desire for sex, to fuck, to get it on with a honey - that's fine. That's not something you need to avoid or detach yourself from or otherwise negate. It has it's context, and it is a good thing.

The problem is that if you're doing it in the context of a 'hobby' or a 'recreational pastime' then you are dabbling in something way more powerful than you that's only going to consume you.

It's not a case of 'transcend all desire' as it is 'just don't fucking lose yourself to it'.

And a lifestyle of random sex with random chicks will do that to you.

"And in the process, this issue with women will heal itself... because the issue with women, really isn't an issue with women at all. It's an issue with you."

Now this is very true. Something I didn't say in my last big response was that when you do get that broadband connection up and running, you begin radiating generosity of spirit, compassion and truth.

The effect of this is a little bit like the effect of growing tits. You all of a sudden become massively more attractive to the opposite sex.

This isn't 'if I wish for a girlfriend I'll get one' shit. This is 'if I get this connection up and running I will radiate sex appeal like the sahara sun radiates heat.'

That is to say, at an extreme level of intensity.

"Thank you Ciaran. I'll be around."

Coolio. Speak soon.

Ranger101@RSDN said...

Hey Ciaran,

A comment about something you touched upon in your response to "DJ PUA"...

It's easy to find yourself 'using' the connection you talk about instead of accepting the connection. I think that's what happens especially when you're in the context of something like seduction.

Like 'using' The Power of Now to pick up chicks - 'If I can stay in the moment, then I'll become super-attractive and girls will find me attractive. So I better learn how to stay in the moment'.

You get what I mean?

It's like 'doing' being yourself, instead of _actually_ being yourself.


I've found that I might start out with the best of intentions, and rapidly find that this has devolved into a means to a selfish pursuit.

I can see someone reading the end of your response to DJ PUA, and think 'Man this is the new way to get chicks'. I know a part of me entertained the idea.

And I've gotton to the point now, where to really follow this through... you really do have to let go. And that scares me. Really let go of everything in order to find out what it is you really value. Letting go of all these fantasies, plans, dreams and ideas about yourself. About what you thought your role in this world was.

It almost feels like dying.

At the same time, you just know that the reason why you've thought all of this, and why you feel all of this is because there is something Good (capital 'G') towards the end.


Apologies if this feels a little abstract, but I'm just going through something at the moment, and I'm finding it difficult.

Anonymous said...

this is getting good, but i don't have anything practical, i don't want to wait around for god to grant me the "Nimbus"

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

this is getting good, but i don't have anything practical, i don't want to wait around for god to grant me the "Nimbus"

What do want, a fucking road map?

I don't have all the answers mate. This is a whole new frontier. Get off your ass and fucking move.

Build that connection by any means necessary.

Don't bitch at me, move.

Any means necessary mate.

Ok, lets see how we did this in the community.

You find the guys who have the connection. You listen to them, you model them, you find out what they are doing, you do that until it works.

D said...

In one of your responses you said this:

'It's more that the desire for sex, to fuck, to get it on with a honey - that's fine. That's not something you need to avoid or detach yourself from or otherwise negate. It has it's context, and it is a good thing.

The problem is that if you're doing it in the context of a 'hobby' or a 'recreational pastime' then you are dabbling in something way more powerful than you that's only going to consume you.'

How else can this be seen? Isn't 'desire for sex, to fuck, to get it on with a honey' always going to be 'recreational' or something of a 'hobby'? The only way 'desire for sex, to fuck' is going to appear right is to do it with your g/f, wife, whatever. In other words, ONE woman who you are commited to with chances of long-term possibilities.

So, if you say 'desire for sex, to fuck, to get it on with a honey' is 'good', then wtf is wrong with having sex wit' different girls all the time UNTIL you find one that is right for you? UNTIL you find one that you can see a life-long friendship and relationsihp with? UNTIL you ultimately - and inevitably - fall in 'LOVE'?

Ranger101 said...

Some Dude said...

"So, if you say 'desire for sex, to fuck, to get it on with a honey' is 'good', then wtf is wrong with having sex wit' different girls all the time UNTIL you find one that is right for you? UNTIL you find one that you can see a life-long friendship and relationsihp with? UNTIL you ultimately - and inevitably - fall in 'LOVE'?"

I say...

But to make that your life pursuit? To use this context as the only context in your life where you grow, or use as the focal point from where to grow from?

Man...

I see where Ciaran is coming from... Jeez, even I got lost on my own path...

It's the pursuit of a life that has no real depth. Fuck, we talk about giving value, we talk about congruency, we talk about authenticness and being - but all as a means.

It's like, the seduction community has it's tools and education that we can use to fill in social skills that we had initially been lacking due to our former circumstances in life. I value this.

But to extend those skills into an identity; into a life. That's fruitless except for the guy teaching it.

Man, I'm addicted to the RSDN community; I like the people there, but my instincts have been telling me for some time that I have nothing more to learn in this area. And nothing more to give. And as I write this, I can feel my ego flaring up... feels like the loss of part of my identity to admit this. Like a loss of credibility.


Anyways, Ciaran, unleash your copy of 'A New Earth' and have a read of the section "The Peace that passes all understanding" in Chapter 2. It reminded me of something you wrote here earlier.

Anonymous said...

I've been reading this and its definitely got me thinking. I know that when I go out and do good with pickup related stuff or have a good night in general I feel great. I can see how getting good in seduction has to do with the ego. Sometimes I feel good because Im this big pimp etc etc which of course is not me. Now, what would you say for someone who wants to get sucess with woman handled? Do they have to see the dark side of seduction or what?

Ciaran said...

Ranger 101 just made a fucking banging point here, guys.

"It's the pursuit of a life that has no real depth. Fuck, we talk about giving value, we talk about congruency, we talk about authenticness and being - but all as a means."

This is so on point, it's mental.

People defend all the good shit in the community, and think that the fact that the community contains good stuff makes the community good.

This is bullshit.

The level of actual solid stuff in the community is no more or less than the level of power that seduction has to corrupt the purity of spiritual truth, moral character and the integrity of men.

I'm not preaching at you, I'm the last motherfucker in the room to ever consider himself a moral man. It's just amazing the power that seduction has to take these awesome things like generosity of spirit (or in community parlance, giving value) and turn them into seedy tactics for manipulating women into bed.

Because that is what EVERYTHING in seduction becomes in the end. No matter how great, no matter how insightful, no matter how pure or how brilliant or how beautiful, everything, in the end, is just one more step on the road to pussy.

Sorry for the vulgarity but I cannot think of any other way to describe this.

It is a testament to the beauty of women that it can undermine men so.

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

I've been reading this and its definitely got me thinking. I know that when I go out and do good with pickup related stuff or have a good night in general I feel great. I can see how getting good in seduction has to do with the ego."


Honestly mate, I'd say it probably runs a lot deeper than anyone realises.


"Sometimes I feel good because Im this big pimp etc etc which of course is not me. Now, what would you say for someone who wants to get sucess with woman handled?"


Ha! That's funny. It's just interesting to see guys using David D's marketing speak in discussing seduction.

Let's not talk about getting 'success with women handled' as if 'success with women' were like 'success with golf' or some shit.

And to talk about it being 'handled' will instantly lead you into believing that this is something you can divorce from yourself. It isn't.

The idea that this is simply an area of life that you can 'pump' as you would pump a muscle neglects to take into account what it is that brought each of us here in the first place.

That sex is so core to who you are and your self image that you are not going to be able to work this area without losing your shit.


"Do they have to see the dark side of seduction or what?"


Look dude, let's not talk about 'them.' Let's talk about you. That's what your question is about.

Can you get 'success with women' handled without seeing the 'dark side of seduction'?

Sure. Build your connection with God. Fashion yourself into a man of purpose and destiny. Live as a hero, and amazing women will flock to you.

When you meet one and you just know you're supposed to be with her, marry her.

There. Boom. Success with women handled. No seduction involved.

Anonymous said...

The advice you gave to people when you were the shit in the pickup community was fucked but at the time you gave it you were so convinced that it was the truth.

What makes you so sure that you aren't doing the same thing now?

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

The advice you gave to people when you were the shit in the pickup community was fucked but at the time you gave it you were so convinced that it was the truth."


Dear me, we are swearing a lot, aren't we? I should cut down, I'm setting a bad example.


"What makes you so sure that you aren't doing the same thing now?"

Well, put it this way. Fucked does not mean incorrect.

My articles were some of the most effective advice on how to actually get girls into bed that the seduction community has ever produced.

They weren't fucked because I got it wrong. They were fucked because I got it right, and what I was doing was seduction and seduction is fucked.

So add that to the fact that I have had a shitload of experience in this community both on my own and in the most esteemed of company, across all of the schools, seeing basically everything out there up close and personal.

Now look, I'm not saying 'I am the daddy and have the new way.'

I am the daddy, but that's incidental.

And I do have a new way that I am following.

But frankly, your life is your own. You have to fucking choose what you're going to do with it. I'm no guru mate. And yes, I take your point.

In fact, I would say that you are far too gentle with me.

I've led a lot of guys into some really deep intractable life issues that they aren't getting out of anytime soon.

I find it almost funny, but really just sad and a bit sickening when I'm speaking to a guy who's followed me for years and they are stunned when I'm saying - leave seduction, I was wrong to recommend it, it's fucking shit dude.

And they just go 'oh, Ciaran's gone weird. Anyway, back to seduction.'

I understand, it's what I would have done. Makes me sad though.

In answer to your question - for me?

I know this is the only way forward for me. I have to get my shit right with God. I have to get my strength back. I have to sort my life out, and my heart and my mind. There's a load of work that needs to happen.

But as for why should you listen to me?

I have no idea mate. Maybe because I sound nice.

I'm not the kind of man you, or anyone should be following. And that is the cold, hard truth.

Patrick Shields said...

Nothing is perfect. Sure, there are some in seduction for reasons that will ultimately leave them feeling empty.

But in my experience, the field of pickup has been a light at the end of the tunnel. Finally, a group of guys who accept me for who I am and accept my desires!

Pickup leads the way to abundance, and abundance naturally seems to benefit everyone.

So what's wrong with pickup? it seems to be a lot closer to 'the source' or whatever you want to call it than most other groups.

Pickup is a place where guys can be guys, where people can be open-minded and learn how to succeed from a place of abundance. That's what I see pickup as. I guess it's different for you. But I know that without pickup, I would still be on my own, out in the dark, feeling guilty for my desires. A reference group is essential when you're in the dark.

So, if we should cut out pickup all together, where should we go instead?

My verdict: Pickup in moderation. Pickup from an abundance mentality. And other things, too, like Steve Pavlina (www.stevepavlina.com) or the Community for Excellence (www.communityforexcellence.com). I think you're right in a lot of ways, but not that pickup inherently leads to the wrong place.

Red Zeppelin said...

Hey Ciaran,

This pride that you speak of, the pride that comes with being a great seducer.....is it really that much of a problem if you believe that theres always room for improvement and don't get all ego-manical about it.

Romeo said...

Ciaran what up Killa?

Damn.. Im kinda out of the loop here, but word on the street is you broke loose and are on your way to greener pastures.
Ha, Its all good i reckon.

Incidently im actually kinda feelin where ya comin from, you may recall me discussing a loss of game with ya during the bp.. ive been experiencing some simmialar though not as hardcore emotional issues, losing some empathy and ability to form real genuine connections. Unable to feel for girls, thinking of sex as a chore. Even thinking girls as completely useless.

Hell i even questined my sexuality for a bit witch i never had any doubts about.


But ya know what man.... i think after a certain point were on our own and we gotta take personal responsibility for the path we took and the descisions we've made.
The beginning was scary as fuck
cuz it just all a sudden hits ya like BLAMMM
and your right it does creep up on ya



Anyway just one more phase in life things seem to be lookin alot better right now as im recapturing my humanity,

Anyway long ass rant short..I just dropped by to give ya some love brother.
The few times i got to meet ya were always funfilled times full of positivity and laughs.
Wherever your path takes you I wish you all the luck in the world.

Your made out of beautifull stuff man.

stay real and take care
Romeo

p.s. After watching the blueprint i nearly fell outta ma damn chair,surprisingly so, it would appear the combo of short hair and a bit of a beard actually does kinda made me look like chris rock...

Ha, who woulda tought huh, guess the world aint gone crazy after all, aint that a bitch

You be good partna

later

Anonymous said...

When I try to speak to a girl and it goes badly and I get chopped right away,I have virtually no negative emotional reaction.

But when I get involved in a conversation, and I think she likes me and I like her,if we part and I don't expect to see her again,I get really sad and depressed about it.This happens rather often,much more so than the chop scenario.

I just thought I'd throw this out there in the vague hope that you might have some constructive comments because this happened to me yet again last night and I am now feeling depressed.

This was random and unrelated to anything you've been writing on this blog,wasn't it?
Oh well.

Ciaran said...

Ok, three responses here, one from a 'Red Zeppelin', one from my good friend Romeo, and one from an anonymous fellow who beginning to witness the mask slipping from seduction's oh-so-pretty face.

Firstly a short one:

"Red Zeppelin said...

Hey Ciaran,

This pride that you speak of, the pride that comes with being a great seducer.....is it really that much of a problem if you believe that theres always room for improvement and don't get all ego-manical about it."

The short answer is 'no'.

The long answer is 'no, you cannot.'

Your beliefs are not going to stand up. They will be pulled down like a doll's house under a wrecking ball.

I mean, think about it. Our beliefs are the most malleable parts of us. They shift and mold and fit themselves around what we want to believe with the efficiency of 'Morph' from the X-Men. You can't stop it. You can only slow it down, which is not really the best idea because it seems from my experience to do nothing more than just get you deeper and deeper.

Don't take my word for it. Give it a go. Although to be honest it would probably be best for you if you didn't do this.

This brings up an interesting point, which is this - it is so easy to believe that "this" or "that" answer will help you to get through this, but - ah, don't you ever find yourself getting a bit cynical? That 'this' angle or 'this' edge is the way to fuck around with loads of girls and not be emotionally gutted by it?

I mean, at what point did we swallow so much superficial propaganda from the image-mad society in which we live that we began to believe that a series of intensely intimate encounters with strangers would in any way not cheapen us or make us weak? Of course they will! It's almost ludicrous to suggest otherwise.

And of course you have to love the way that your mind will come up with loads of reasons like "oh, but I can't get a relationship if I can't seduce a girl" like systematically learning pickup was necessary in the past to propagate the species.

I mean, come on guys, look around you. All these people who seem to be living these amazing lives - how do you really know them? Through internet boards? Through marketing? Through the arguments they have about the 'best way' to game?

Through the advice they give you on 'being yourself' or 'being happy'?

How many of them are people you've actually met? How many of them are people you've spent time with?

How many guys have you watched actually nail this and get mad pickup skills from zero? I've seen a few. And I've seen what happens to their personalities and let me tell you guys it is nothing short of tragic.

It's arrogance, man, plain and simple. You can't stop it with your beliefs when you're out fucking chicks anymore than you can stop an avalanche with a paper napkin.

I've seen guys who are so decent and good, so full of honesty and love for others, kindness and friendship, decency, hope, trust and truth, compassion and courage just sink like stones under this shit. It's so potent man, it's of a different order of power to you. It's not about 'how strong you are' or 'what you believe'; it's way beyond that. It doesn't give a fuck about what you believe. It just doesn't care.

So 'bad news' then. Sorry about that.

10 June 2008 23:09
Romeo said...

Ciaran what up Killa?

Damn.. Im kinda out of the loop here, but word on the street is you broke loose and are on your way to greener pastures.
Ha, Its all good i reckon.

Incidently im actually kinda feelin where ya comin from, you may recall me discussing a loss of game with ya during the bp.. ive been experiencing some simmialar though not as hardcore emotional issues, losing some empathy and ability to form real genuine connections. Unable to feel for girls, thinking of sex as a chore. Even thinking girls as completely useless.

Hell i even questined my sexuality for a bit witch i never had any doubts about.


But ya know what man.... i think after a certain point were on our own and we gotta take personal responsibility for the path we took and the descisions we've made.
The beginning was scary as fuck
cuz it just all a sudden hits ya like BLAMMM
and your right it does creep up on ya



Anyway just one more phase in life things seem to be lookin alot better right now as im recapturing my humanity,

Anyway long ass rant short..I just dropped by to give ya some love brother.
The few times i got to meet ya were always funfilled times full of positivity and laughs.
Wherever your path takes you I wish you all the luck in the world.

Your made out of beautifull stuff man.

stay real and take care
Romeo

p.s. After watching the blueprint i nearly fell outta ma damn chair,surprisingly so, it would appear the combo of short hair and a bit of a beard actually does kinda made me look like chris rock...

Ha, who woulda tought huh, guess the world aint gone crazy after all, aint that a bitch

You be good partna

later"




Romeo, dude, it's a pleasure to hear from you.

Glad to hear you're doing well, and yeah - it's a strange one. I could see when we met in LA that the 'burnout' effect had hit us both. And although I didn't go through it specifically, I understand the sexuality thing as well, there comes a point where you've destroyed your ability to connect with women to such a degree that the only relationships you have in your life that have any humanity at all are the relationships you have with men. It's one of those Faustian ironies that seduction is full of. Glad to see you're pulling your shit back as well man, that's great news.

I'll catch up with you soon, dude, stay in touch.

PS - you ARE Chris Rock. You don't look like him, you are him. Admit it to yourself and you can move on with your life.



"14 June 2008 05:26
Anonymous said...

When I try to speak to a girl and it goes badly and I get chopped right away,I have virtually no negative emotional reaction.

But when I get involved in a conversation, and I think she likes me and I like her,if we part and I don't expect to see her again,I get really sad and depressed about it.This happens rather often,much more so than the chop scenario.

I just thought I'd throw this out there in the vague hope that you might have some constructive comments because this happened to me yet again last night and I am now feeling depressed.

This was random and unrelated to anything you've been writing on this blog,wasn't it?

Oh well."

Not really. You're experiencing exactly the same form of emotional fragility that is a symptom of the growing weakness of your internal centre.

This is something that will happen with increasing frequency and power, and has no upward limit save the point where you bail on seduction because it hurts too much.

I experienced this a little like the phenomenon that you get when you forge iron. You heat the metal to extreme temperatures, and then you cool it again. It gets harder and stronger, but more brittle.

If you continue the process, eventually the metal becomes so brittle it shatters.

Time to take yourself out of the fire, hero. But then of course, you knew that.

The other thing is this - there's a temptation to seek tactical solutions to strategic problems. You might be able to slow down the feeling your getting with a sustained blast of Tolle, for instance, or by losing yourself in the arms of a woman who won't question you and will just hold you and not ask any questions.

These things are stopgap measures only. The problem is the process and unless you stop that, any contingent relief that you may garner from this or any source is just going to get pulled apart in the maelstrom.

So 'bad news' I guess. Sorry about that.

Anonymous said...

"The problem becomes NOT that you are seducing women, but that you
are being seduced, in your very core, over and over.

You let these girls in to your heart and then you leave them.

Do you think they are powerless?

Do you consider yourself immune?

If you do, go nuts. See you on the flip side.

The truth is that you cannot stop this. Women will get to you, and
when they do and you leave them, you will leave chunks of yourself
imbedded in them - and not in a good way."

so true...thanks for putting it into words...i couldn't



""You just start becoming more hollow, and ironically enough, more needy.

You start holding them for longer, and fucking them less. You
don't want sex anymore. You just want the hollowness to go away. You
want to climb inside some woman and forget about how much it hurts to
be you, because your heart has been shredded by what you've done to
yourself."

could you elaborate more on this please?

What do you mean by :
"You just want the hollowness to go away. You
want to climb inside some woman and forget about how much it hurts to
be you, because your heart has been shredded by what you've done to
yourself."

thanks in advance

Anonymous said...

I was always astonished by my brother when I would give him a community thing to read.
He would read a bit and get bored and would stop reading.
I always thought how can I be like him, not needing this, knowing what I am.
I guess he's stronger than me.

Jay said...

I am grateful. For your sudden presence in my life through your candid words.

My soul has been butchered by the game.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

You have walked the tunnel a bit more than I have. Now you have begun walking back. We hereby meet halfway.

Let's walk together, friend.

Perth said...

hi mate - random question.. did i see you wearing a "now" wristwatch once? where did you get it? where can i get one?

i haven't been able to find this anywhere.. maybe i imagined the whole thing...

cheers,
pr

Raven said...

I wish you all the best man. Looking forward to seeing where you take it from here. Life isn't a game and game won't give anybody a life.

Cheers

Anonymous said...

It's been over a month now. Has anything changed since?

Anonymous said...

Hey Ciaran,

I noticed you haven't updated your blog in a little while, I just wanted to encourage you to keep writing about your experiences. Your posts in May helped me to change my life. I dropped Game, redefined my own terms of greatness and stopped looking to other men for approval of any sort. I've fallen in love and I'm in the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had. Your posts were only signposts, but I still thought it was worth thanking you. I don't crave your guidance any longer, but as a man interested in great men I'd like to see where you're at. I think you have a lot to give.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr. Ciaran,

I hope you won't mind a random comment from a literary-minded passing stranger. Allow me to offer a bit of poetry, from Spenser's Faerie Queen, about "the Captaine of Lusts":

"Which suddeine horrour and confused cry,
When as their Captaine heard, in haste he yode,
The cause to weet, and fault to remedy;
Vpon a Tygre swift and fierce he rode,
That as the winde ran vnderneath his lode,
Whiles his long legs nigh raught vnto the ground;
Full large he was of limbe, and shoulders brode,
But of such subtile substance and vnsound,
That like a ghost he seem'd, whose graue-clothes were vnbound.

And in his hand a bended bow was seene,
And many arrowes vnder his right side,
All deadly daungerous, all cruell keene,
Headed with flint, and feathers bloudie dide,
Such as the Indians in their quiuers hide;
Those could he well direct and streight as line,
And bid them strike the marke, which he had eyde,
Ne was their salue, ne was their medicine,
That mote recure their wounds: so inly they did tine.

As pale and wan as ashes was his looke,
His bodie leane and meagre as a rake,
And skin all withered like a dryed rooke,
Thereto as cold and drery as a Snake,
That seem'd to tremble evermore, and quake:
All in a canvas thin he was bedight,
And girded with a belt of twisted brake,
Vpon his head he wore an Helmet light,
Made of a dead mans skull, that seem'd a ghastly sight."

John Ruskin comments on this passage: "The horror and truth of this are beyond anything I know.... Note the heading of the arrows with flint, because sharper and more subtle in the edge than steel, and because steel might consume away with rust, but flint not; and consider in the whole description how the wasting away of body and soul together, and the coldness of the heart, which unholy fire has consumed into ashes, and the loss of all power, and the kindling of all terrible impatience, and the implanting of thorny and inextricable griefs, are set forth by the various images, the belt of brake [N.B. thorns], the tiger steed, and the light helmet, girding the head with death." (The Stones of Venice)

It's not so easy to take the skull-helmet off again, once you've worn it for years. It's hard to see through eyes of flesh again, instead of those cold and empty sockets.

May I invite you to reconsider Christianity? I see from your blog your spiritual inspiration is mostly Zen and Buddhism. I have immense respect for the spiritual wisdom in those sources, but your dismissals of Christian orthodoxy are the usual utter nonsense and misunderstanding that non-Christian Westerners frequently use to reject their own spiritual heritage. I submit to you that you do not even know what orthodox Christianity is or asserts; and that it has an awful lot to offer you as you recoil in horror from the evils you yourself have inflicted on others and your own soul. I won't attempt to convince you here -- real Christianity is a thing so complex and multifaceted it can't be defended in a blog comment -- but simply invite you to investigate further. "Come to me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

Sincerely,
John Lockhard

Mouth said...

Ciaran!

Man, I just cracked last night. I read this last month but didn't really get it. But when I was doing a 30-day challenge, the pressure just kept getting stronger and stronger, and I could feel extreme anxiety inside me, like something was really wrong with this. And I guess, since one could reframe anything, that this could be labeled as me "choding out". Heck, I've said that about other guys who have gone through similar stuff! But I really feel I'm onto something here. I think you're onto something.

I got in so deep that I had to get outta there. So I cracked open. I realize now that I have to get out of this shit-hole I'm in. I have to forget about the forum boards, forget about the blogs (except this one), forget about the "lifestyle", and get my own shit back.

I'm full of questions now, though. And I understand that you're just another guy like me, looking for the next step, and maybe that's how it's supposed to be; a personal quest.

I guess I just have one question I'd like to ask you, cause you seem to be a lot more clear about this than I am.

The community is a dead end. Seduction is a dead end. So we're trying to get back into interacting with PEOPLE, right?

So that would mean, that if I see a beautiful woman walking towards me on my way to the gym, and I feel like I want to go meet her, and get to know her. That would be ok, right? Like, when we stop obssessing about random sex, we're still left with meeting new people and getting to know what they're like. Or is this still part of the black hole that got me so unhappy in the first place? It might be my ego's manifestation of selfish, empty desires. But I used to love women, and that used to be the way things were, you know.

This is all so weird, man. I had stopped looking at girls as people. It's like my buddy Sean said to me once. It's really weird how, when you are driving, you become one with the car. People stop being people, and become entities, they are now cars. And it's so impersonal, it kinda freaks me out.

It's kind of the same effect that I'm feeling with the community. It sucks. Cause I used to love women. And I used to love myself. I got lost...

I hope you're still checking this every once in a while, man.

Thanks for everything.

Anonymous said...

Where ya been, dude?

Ranger101 said...

Hey Man, where are you at these days?

Post an update sometime.

Ranger101

Artisan said...

Dude, I've been waiting for a new post with baited breath. Where's it at?! haha.

atmospshere said...

Ciaran, you used to say that you could see the matrix. Well guess what, there is more than one, with each embedded within itself.

The mystics talk of layers of an onion, I prefer the term "recursion".

Imagine a matrix in which you were socially conditioned just as before, only now you are socially conditioned into feeling permanently happy by some mysterious force - with all that required is to listen. This is the place you have found....

but conditioning is still conditioning. There are more layers of the onion to strip away, the next matrix embedded within each consecutive other. An endless recursion to discover...

This is what they call transcendance - moving through the matrix. The action of peeling a layer away, optimizing the software.

You see i'm excited, because as this knowledge approaches critial mass, the speed at which we jump through the hoops becomes exponential. It was never any other way, we simply can only experience our current position in a moment.

We have just entered hyperspeed.

There is logically only one place that this can lead, and thats in a singularity of awareness, in which we can no longer perceive ourselves as seperate.

Atmosphere

sandy said...

Ciaran ,

i just bumped into here looking for game stuff but I found your blog , I stated reading and Im in shock. I apprciate your powerful honesty about what you are going through. I respect it.


I am very depressed cause my experience w women hasnt been pleasant.
My exwife left me and now my GF told me yesterday she had some guy over her place this weekend
(she had dissappeared)and see told me she didnt feel like she used to w me , she seeing several men and LJBF.
I said I dont want girl friends i cant fuck. And she was like whatever.

I feel like a failure, Im very very sad.

I feel I have a void dude.
Its like my hapiness is gone.

I feel I need to take care of this since I was emotional invested ,w sincerity.

I know you feel sadness but I feel sadness of complete opposite sides to the coins.

I have to give you props, you are a PRo and I wouoldh hsave like a mentor like you to atleast get my lovelife handled or whatever you want to call it Game.

I feel like this and totally confused where or what to do next to recover since my failures w woman has always crushed me.

I appreciate helping another guy in need of your honesty and experience from all of this.

thank you!

Sandy

Anonymous said...

You shake our reality, claiming seduction's a path to hell, and just when you've begun to convince us, you vanish! All I can say is WTF man!

Will said...

I was hoping you'd still update this. Fuck your 'rep'.

axel said...

hey whats up with you man,
i was expecting to see the new path
i heard the mp3 , well a part, about humildity,
i have interest in that.
really, i dont know what is in your head, but you seem to speak truth,
i love girls, but i know theres some spiritual truth that cant be filled with girls
sendme a mail progressivetechnik@gmail.com

Nate said...

I’m not really sure how I should write this Ciarin, I feel that what I’m typing are the thoughts I’ve pushed to the back of my mind and labelled “negative” for a while now. Lately I’ve been thinking to myself “I wonder how I would have been if I’d never discovered the seduction community”? or “Girls used to love me in High School (when I didn’t know anything) I should be on turbo now with the community behind me, why aren’t I, did the community fuck me up”? Thoughts like this often scare me as I feel irreparably changed for discovering the community and I increasingly feel like I’m looking through different eyes, sometimes for the worse.

I often get told that I place huge expectations on myself. Discovering the seduction community during formative teenage years (at 17) probably didn’t help either. I may not be that far into this, as I’m only 19 now, but I increasingly feel like there is a heavy weight on my shoulders that grows with every passing day.

My goal getting into this was initially to never again feel this intense amount of pain I was subject to one night. After losing out on the first girl I was ever awe-struck over, we became very close but I didn’t have the knowledge or skill to progress it to the level I’d like (a relationship). It got to the point where I failed and she shut me down (in the nicest way possible).

I will stand up and say this honestly: I was looking into a mirror, tears rolling down my face just thinking “Fuck man, this is just shit, life is fucking shit” It was like everything became heavy, dark and dull. Like someone turned down the dimmer switch on the clarity of life. I pray that I never hit a point like that ever again, but I feel like one is coming at the hands of the community. Due to the fact the added expectations one places on themselves when equipped with the knowledge but does not or can not act.

As I venture further into the seduction community I’ve found things that rang true and things that felt wrong which I endeavoured to avoid. Like you mentioned, my goals have changed. The goal I have now, which I feel is a good one is to get to a level where I can adequately give back to those who want to learn how to better improve this area of their lives. “In service I give of what I have become” that quote always hit me as something to keep in mind.

If I was proposed a situation where I could be put in a position where I could help people over-come their difficulties (such as being a coach like you were) but my own personal success was the price that had to be paid. I would pay it. In fact there aren’t many prices I wouldn’t pay to be put in that position. Not to appear like a hero or saviour but to do something that I feel will make my life worthy and imagining myself doing something like that clears the ever-present haze from my mind’s eye.

Being a “mad mutha fuckin pimp” does not appeal to me, in the harsh light of day I have laid my delusions of “multiple bi-sexual girlfriends” or “new three-somes every week” to waste. I have thrown all the accumulated bullshit aside right here, right now and I feel that all I truly desire is just to share myself with a girl I’m physically and emotionally attracted too. Someone who inspires me, shares my values, someone who can help me grow as a person and who I can repay the favour too.

Sorry to ramble on for so long Ciaran but I guess what I want to know at root of all this is could you comment on anything I’ve written here that strikes you? And is there any advice you’d give to someone who wants to help people in this area (become an instructor/coach), but is trying to be wary of “destroying themselves through self-improvement” in his attempt to reach that point?

Anonymous said...

Stumbled upon this. Where are you dude? Is this blog finished?

Omar said...

I expected atleast for you to update your blog, even if you have left, what a shame, I know you don't feel like doing it. I learnt alot from you and I liked your perspective and your willingness to give up, to accept but w/e I use to read your post allthe freaking time you know that?

There's only one thing left for me to do, you leave me no choice but to become better then you, than you once were, there is no light down this tunnel, but there's no light down any tunnel in this life, it's passing by, but while I'm here I will succeed you.