Sunday, 25 May 2008

A Short Public Service Announcement

Hey there guys.

Ok, as some of you are aware, I've recently left RSD.

Before I go on to explain the reasons behind this, I think it's important to say that there has not been a 'falling out'. Sorry. No drama. Well, not of that kind, anyway.

Also, anyone looking at the RSD forum will notice that my archive has been deleted. This is because I personally requested it's deletion, and I would like to thank Tyler and the guys for doing that for me. They didn't have to and make the waves associated with it, but they did and I thank them for that.

To quote from the email I sent to Tyler asking for him to do this:

" A lot of the stuff I've advised guys to do and a lot of the ways I've
told guys to think are going to lead them into very dark places. It's
something I wasn't prepared to admit while I was still in RSD, but
it's abundantly clear to me now that I've been misusing my gifts as a
writer and a thinker to glorify myself at the expense of what's really
good for the people who trust me and listen to me. "

And that's the truth, guys.

Ok, the reason I left RSD is this. I am done with seduction. I really am. I don't think that there's a future there for me, and I don't think it's what I should be doing. Recently I've been feeling like the darkness inherent in that path is too much for me to take, to handle, or to survive.

There is nothing more seductive than the seduction community. It really, really got under my skin. It really, really went to my head. And the blunt truth is that the deeper I got into it, the more I realised that the vision of the 'happy seducer' that we all cherish and strive for is, I believe, a fiction.

Now, RSD is very open about this. Tyler has said on several occasions that it is in sorting out your life that you sort out your love life, and Jeffy has spoken live in many instances on the fact that seduction will not and cannot 'save' you.

Before I go on, I would like to state that I believe that RSD represents the very best of the community, not simply in their ability to build your confidence and success with women but also in terms of their integrity as men.

However, I do not believe that the mission to 'get good with women' is one which is emotionally sustainable nor ultimately healthy. It is good inasmuch as it provides a focal point for self-improvement, but I feel that there is a fundamental contradiction between detaching yourself from ego, self-worship and pride by embarking on a campaign of short-term superficial physical relationships with strangers.

This is a personal opinion which I have reached myself after extensive testing. I do not want it to be true. I wish that I could believe that there is redemption in charisma, in sex and in the glory of owning a club but the truth is that I have climbed to the top of that mountain and found nothing there but a cliff-face.

This is not a condemnation of any of the guys at RSD, who I still consider my friends. They are a superb group of men, deeply committed to helping everyone they come into contact with. I have accompanied them on several bootcamps and was consistently blown away by the compassion, genius and dedication of the instructor staff.

Also, I am especially happy that I was involved in the launch of Tyler's Blueprint, which is an amazing work - a true piece of modern philosophy from a true philosopher.

Nonetheless, I am glad that I have left the community, and I do not regret my decision to leave RSD. However, I still have a deep love and respect for the guys I worked with, and I will miss them all. With the potential exception of Jeffy. He's a dick. Kidding. Love you Jeff.

;p

So that's all I've got to say for now. It was one hell of a ride, guys.

Oh, and stay tuned to the blog. I will continue to update. And you're not going to want to miss this.

Ever Yours

Ciaran

55 comments:

Bradbury said...

so what would you suggest to someone like me who read your "there's a war going on" post and wants to follow it to fruition? I am new to the community and want to get good with women. I know this will not "save" me, but I do think that it is important for men to be able to choose.

Ciaran said...

What would I say?

I guess the very first thing I would say is sorry. I'm really sorry that I wrote that post.

I have misled you, all of you who read my work and believed in me.

For this I have no excuse save that the deceit in my work was self-deceit also - but this does not excuse me. It simply changes my crime from that of a liar to that of a coward who was unprepared to truly look at the life he was leading and see it for what it was.

Following that post to fruition will lead to your ruin, and I do not say such things lightly.

Let me ask you this, bradbury. Why do you want to get good with women?

Cerebrus said...

what the fuck.

I'm curious about what parts of your "teaching" you feel will lead guys to dark places.

Cerebrus said...

You speak of deceit. Do you mean you were posturing when you claimed to be good with women or something else?

Personally, I'm not interested in a series of ONS, not my thing. What I want is

1) To stop being an insecure chode and start being extroverted, confident, charismatic, dominant etc. I respect immensely guys with that guy of personality and I want it for myself.
2)I like amazing, beautiful girls. To get amazing, beautiful girls you must be an amazing guy.

Honestly don't see what's wrong with that.

Maybe you just feel empty because of banging so many girls without any meaning behind it. (not what I'm after like I said)

Ciaran said...

If there was a post I felt was worth keeping, I would not have asked RSD to delete the whole archive.

Before I sent that email I looked down through my archive, and found nothing in it that was not corrupt.

Actually, save one post - a massive piece I wrote on the evolution of attraction called 'The Ascent of Man'. It's 20000 words of evolutionary theory, hardly something you could take to a club, but I felt that it had an interesting take on things.

Cerebrus said...

I'd love to hear what you mean by "corrupt" too...

Kiko said...

Thanks for the good times!
I still enjoy your posts nonetheless.

Ciaran said...

"You speak of deceit. Do you mean you were posturing when you claimed to be good with women or something else?"

Something else, although to be honest it was something much worse than a simple lie.

"Personally, I'm not interested in a series of ONS, not my thing. What I want is

1) To stop being an insecure chode and start being extroverted, confident, charismatic, dominant etc. I respect immensely guys with that guy of personality and I want it for myself."

Of course, man. Who wouldn't want that? And I know that it seems often as if such things would grant a blessed fucking escape from a life on the sidelines. But think about this - you can be extroverted, confident, charismatic and dominant and still be deeply unhappy. And you can get extroverted, confident, charismatic and dominant outside of the context of seduction.

Look, these are awesome goals. I'm not telling you to abandon them. I'm saying that in seduction the price you will pay for achieving these things is very, very high indeed. Very high.

"2)I like amazing, beautiful girls. To get amazing, beautiful girls you must be an amazing guy."

I know. You are quoting me. I'm the guy who originally wrote that.

It doesn't work. Seduction will not make you into that man. I'm sorry. I wish that it did. If it did I'd be a fucking superhero by now. I'm not. I'm very far from that.

But do you know what - being an amazing man is something that you should strive for. And part of being a man is having the courage to look at yourself, and push aside all the things you want to believe, just for an instant, and admit the possibility that you may be wrong.

I'm speaking to both you and I right now. Oh, good God man. Fuck. Such terrible damage. There's such terrible damage in this. And God, I wish it wasn't true. I wish that becoming an awesome guy was as simple as punching through the fear to unleash your real self on women.

I wish it were true. I really do. But it doesn't work that way. It just - it doesn't. I'm sorry.

And look - I know that you can't just turn on a dime. No-one can. No-one appreciates how compelling this is more than I do. No-one appreciates how seductive this is more than I do. Seduction is seductive in the deepest possible sense. It makes you believe in it. It makes you make excuses for it. It makes you reorder your whole world, both internal and external, around it's virtue.

The first step out of it is admitting just the possibility that this may be true. And if you are not prepared to admit even the possibility of this, let that send warning bells through you, and alert you to the fact that you are no longer in complete control of your senses.

"Maybe you just feel empty because of banging so many girls without any meaning behind it. (not what I'm after like I said)"

Mother of God. No, it's not that I 'feel empty because of banging so many girls without any meaning behind it."

Well, it's not just that - although you will find out soon enough that this is a reality that is more jagged and cruel than you expect it to be.

And look man - I know that you are not after that.

I wasn't after that.

I got into this for a very noble reason, and it was this. I was no longer prepared to watch a woman I loved walk out of my life.

That was it, that was the reason. Straight up.

I got into this because I didn't want to lose love again. That's not bad, man, as motivations go. And that really was my motivation. Really.

But let me ask you this - are you so certain that you are strong enough to resist fucking girl after girl if you were able to do so with the same ease as it takes to open and close your hand?

Could you resist that?

Maybe.

But could you resist that if, day in and day out you had putting yourself through all the shit of hitting on chick after chick?

Could you? Are you certain?

That's what happened to me, man. Once you hit that break point everything changes because the process of getting there changes you.

And look, again - I wish this weren't true. I really do. I swear it.

Look, I don't have all the answers, and I'm not advancing some kind of abstract argument about the right way to do things. All I know is that all I have felt and seen leads me to believe that terrible despair goes hand in hand with seduction, and this is not incidental, nor do I think it is avoidable.

Look, I know that it is very tempting to walk into this with high motives believing that you are doing something noble. I did. I had the highest motives of anyone I know. I was also the most 'moral' of any 'pick-up artist' that I know. I would never sleep with a girl who had a boyfriend, ever. I would never lie, under any circumstances. I would never lead a girl on - even by omission. I would always make clear that I was not up for a relationship, and I tell you dude, it made me lethal. I was fucking sick, man. I was really, really good at this.

In the end, it didn't matter. All these 'high motives' did were make me commit totally to a path which completely fucked me up. I'm dealing with this shit right now and it's not fucking fun.

And the real damage that I did to myself was not the emotional pain of collapse, although don't get me wrong, it's pretty savage as you will discover if you continue on this path.

The real damage is in the addictions that I built and the things I destroyed.

The addiction to sex is a terrible thing because sex for you becomes empty. You cannot stop this from happening if you're fucking lots of chicks. There's nothing you can do about it. It's like Pavlov's dog. You can't stop it. When you sleep around - and do not kid yourself about your ability to resist the temptation to do so when it becomes very easy for you - you condition your mind.

You have sex with a random chick, and get that 'hit' of feeling like the fucking man because you just fucked a random chick. And you do it again, and again. And again. And again.

And then you meet some girl you really like - which is the reason most guys get into this - and you get into a relationship with her. And you have sex.

And after about a month, you've fucked her every way a woman can be fucked. You've done everything to her that you can do. And no matter how hot she is, you cannot get that "yeah, I just fucked a hot chick" buzz off her anymore.

Incidentally, this doesn't happen slowly. It is rapid. You rapidly lose interest in sex with her because she isn't giving you that ego hit anymore. Sex becomes a chore - but you don't stop caring about the girl. You just lose her.

You see, what would normally replace that ego hit - that sex would be a deep and mutually connective and loving experience - just isn't there for you anymore because you have conditioned your mind to equate sex with victory.

And realise that you cannot just "flick a switch" and turn off how your mind views sex. You can't stop it. You're just living in that place.

Look, I know this is controversial and sounds really bad. I know you don't want to believe it. I know that every part of you is screaming at the screen "NO! NO! NO!"

I know that is exactly how I'd react if I'd have read these words a year ago. Even six months ago.

But look, again, I'm not 'advancing an argument'. I don't have anything up my sleeve and I don't have anything to sell you. Sadly. I could use a few bucks.

What I'm saying is that either you start really considering what I'm saying, or you will live it.

And this shit I'm saying will not hit you in ten years time, or in five years time. It is rapid and extremely powerful. It will take you suddenly and by the time it starts to really bite, you're already in way too deep to avoid the fallout. I'm sorry. I wish it weren't true but good God, it's all too real.

You don't have to agree with me. Just start thinking. Start thinking about this. Or don't - it's your life. If this is a lesson you need to learn for yourself, learn it. And you will learn it. Fucking hell, dude. Literally.

Anonymous said...

What would you say to someone who's in the "seduction community" trying to build up their skills with women?

Any advice?

Nixation said...

I've never been a huge article follower, I understand what you mean by misleading the people

the thing is Ciaran...you improved lives with your work, I never followed it, but it is true

The presence of the pickup community is much different than it is seen.

The whole "get good with girls" thing is a facade. It is a giant self-improvement organization.

Where else can people find hundreds of others finding similar problems, while seeing others progress out of the situation they are in? No where. I appreciate your involvement

Climax said...

Hey Ciaran I have a TREMENDOUS respect for you. I don't know what particular event suddenly made you flip your mind 180°, but that's your path man.

don't fight what's happening to you, don't resist your feelings, your fears, don't regret all those experiences, just follow the god damn path ciaran.

If anything this means there's still a lot you're meant to learn and to experience, be glad about it.

You're an awesome man and a real inspiration Ciaran.
Don't hate yourself for not being perfect, that really pisses me off.

Julien (Climax)

Ciaran said...

Anonymous said...

"What would you say to someone who's in the "seduction community" trying to build up their skills with women?

Any advice?"

Look, I don't have all the answers, and if you're looking for advice on how to live, I am not the guy to come to. I am reticent to give any advice to anyone on how to live because of the mess I've made of my own life, and of myself.

Still, your question is a good one, and it's something I'm going to be exploring on this blog as time goes by. I do have some ways forward, yes, although they are extremely challenging to you, and to me. Stay tuned.

"Nixation said...

I've never been a huge article follower, I understand what you mean by misleading the people

the thing is Ciaran...you improved lives with your work, I never followed it, but it is true"

Is it true? Is it really? Because frankly, no-one can lead someone to somewhere they are not. And where I am right now is not where you really want to be.

I know that a lot of people have read my work and been 'helped' by it inasmuch as they have found motivation to succeed, or weapons to win the battle, or tactics to get ahead.

But succeed at what? Success is not necessarily a good thing! Good God, man! Success at something inherently destructive is a terrible thing!

That is why I almost cannot bring myself to think about how many lives I have damaged - not by my failures but by my success. My success at 'helping' guys walk a path where the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

"The presence of the pickup community is much different than it is seen."

I think that this is true, but not in a good way. I do not think that the seduction community is the bunch of seedy losers that the media would portray it as.

I think it's a bunch of good guys following a path to destruction.

"The whole "get good with girls" thing is a facade. It is a giant self-improvement organization."

Is it? Firstly, you must admit that there is a lot of it which is pretty fucking twisted. NLP used as linguistic rohypnol? Tactical maps on how to manipulate a woman into bed? And all this dressed up in a million sophisticated rationalisations? Dude, I have been the biggest supporter of this community for a long time and even I have always admitted that there is evil here that does not sleep.

But even the 'good guys'. Are we so certain that the 'higher path' of the community is free of the darkness? Are we so sure? I mean, look - self improvement is awesome, but I think we really need to start asking some hard fucking questions about building a self-improvement project in our own lives around something that is so goddamned Faustian.

I mean, are we so sure that it's wise to be building your 'new self' in a context which - and let's not lie to ourselves about this - is fucking crack-cocaine to the ego?

Fucking hot random women? I mean, are we so sure that we can do this and not only remain decent human beings but not be seduced by the million different things that entails?

I mean, really - and I'm not arguing in the abstract here. What about you? Are you so certain you can hold this course? Are you so certain you will not fall to arrogance? Are you so utterly sure?

And if you are, good Christ man - ask yourself where the fuck is that total certainty coming from!

"Where else can people find hundreds of others finding similar problems, while seeing others progress out of the situation they are in? No where."

Look - maybe this is true although again, I'm not sure. Maybe there are people trying to get their lives together with as much commitment and passion. But even if it is true, the issue is not where can we find other people trying to make progress - the question is "is this progress?"

And that's a question I don't think we really ask ourselves. I didn't. With infinite complacency I blithely forged ahead.

And dude, the shit I'm talking about is so fucked. The pain and damage I believe my advice has inflicted on guys is so profound. I wish such dire warnings were not appropriate. I wish I could still be that dude, still have the respect and admiration of thousands of guys all over the world, which I have. But I honestly cannot stomach the guilt of what I have done.

The darkness, man. The fucking darkness. It's not a myth. It's not a fucking parable, nor is it a cautionary tale. It's so real. So very, very real.

"I appreciate your involvement"

I wish I could thank you for your kind words but in truth I cannot. All I can do is apologise, and ask forgiveness for each guy who's followed my advice and hates himself because of it.

Anonymous said...

i still don't understand the darkness you are talking about.

# Is it that by Sleeping with a lot of girls becomes a habit that reduces sex to a mere Ego-boosting activity? and you don't find the happiness you are looking for.

# or is it that you have suddenly started to believe that sex is bad.

# You are not so sure that Self improvement is good which I don't understand, but you still praise the Blueprint.why?


# If this is darkness then what is lightness?

Now here is a situation:

Suppose a guy who has healthy relations with everyone and is Self satisfied and completely happy , now he studies pickup to add onto his life and not "make it" is that bad?

Much Love.

Anonymous said...

I can relate Ciaran.

I first learned about the community about 2 years ago.

With a few tactics in hand, I was able to get a girl in to a relationship with me. It lasted 1 year and it was a constant shit show of me just wanting sex. I thought sex was going to make me a better person or something. I've had many "it didn't work" moments.

After that breakup, I was hardcore on the rebound and fucked this girl I had absolutely no interest in at all. It happened 3 days after the breakup. Not just one night I fucked her but back to back nights.

I ended up telling my ex-gf in a drunken rage email.

I am now in a 5 month relationship with a girl who I really do enjoy my time with but there is still that neediness for sex.

Reading through these posts I can really relate to you. I feel like these girls are just there to get me off until the next session or if I watch porn.

This sucks man.

Ciaran said...

"i still don't understand the darkness you are talking about."

You can't really understand it till you've been in it, mate. Also, it doesn't matter if you understand it or not. You don't need to understand gravity to fall off a cliff.

"# Is it that by Sleeping with a lot of girls becomes a habit that reduces sex to a mere Ego-boosting activity? and you don't find the happiness you are looking for."

That's part of it. It's by no means all of it.

"# or is it that you have suddenly started to believe that sex is bad."

Nope.

"# You are not so sure that Self improvement is good which I don't understand, but you still praise the Blueprint.why?"

I have no problem with self-improvement.

"# If this is darkness then what is lightness?"

God.

"Now here is a situation:

Suppose a guy who has healthy relations with everyone and is Self satisfied and completely happy , now he studies pickup to add onto his life and not "make it" is that bad?"

Two things. Firstly, is this you? Are you "a guy who has healthy relations with everyone and is Self satisfied and completely happy"

If you are, great. If you're not - then dude, you really need to start asking yourself if you are thinking about this like some 'abstract hypothetical issue' that you can analyze and understand like the answer to an equation.

It is not abstract, nor is it hypothetical. And the question you should ask yourself is not 'could this happen to Mr Right?', but 'could this happen to me?'

Secondly "a guy who has healthy relations with everyone and is Self satisfied and completely happy" would have no need for pickup. He would already be able to get a shit hot girl extremely quickly, because such a man would be rarer than gold dust.

Nixation said...

Ciaran, thanks for your response.

You may not know this, but I am not involved with the 'seduction community' beyond interest of reading. I will NOT get sucked in. I totally understand what you mean about the tricks used to get a girl in bed and those tricks being exploited.

The all natural approach, albeit good in hindsight.. is not natural at all. No one should have to tell you how to be natural, and the fact that people are making money off of it is even worse!

Ciaran, the dark place you come from should be a reminder for anyone who gets sucked into ANYTHING. Moderation is key, for everything.

Also, Ciaran, people did not like you because of your misleading articles, if anyone else is like me, they skimmed them, gathered something menial from it... and called ita good read. They, we, like you for you. Are you duping us there as well?

Also, I would like to point out that the whole label of PICK UP ARTIST is nothing but a denigration on one's character. RSD should be just that.. social dynamics. Some people need help in that area. However, using these "dynamics" to convince women to sleep with you is primal in its ridiculousness.

Then again, you have had your feet in the water longer than I ever will, so you understand better.

To make up for my appreciation...

Screw you Ciaran, screw you for being that awesome dude and trashing that awesome by becoming a "PUA". Big middle finger to you, my friend! Childhood Ciaran is not proud!

Ciaran, were you as social before pu as you are now..?
My main reason for studying it.. I want to be more sociable. I was/never will be a drinker, drug taker... in a town that is centralized around it. Never made a ton of friends..

Collatio said...

I don't want to get too involved in this because I feel that I don't have the knowledge to be of any assistance in this matter.


What I would do if I were you is to seek out a priest or Buddhist (since you're into Zen et cetera) and have a good conversation with one of them. Maybe you're right, it is a dark-place. Maybe others are right and it is a route to more enlightenment. I don't really care.

As long as the community, the knowledge, is leading to more happiness I will pursue. Even if in the end it turns out like a giant scam, the now is fulfilling. I like it now.


Ciaran much love and strength to you. You are a great guy with great intentions and actions, which is a bright-light that shines on a the dark and utterly stupid things that happen in this world.
I thank you for all the advise you gave me, even if you doubt your advice yourself. I thank you for giving me the ability to chose for a different life.

Without you I wouldn't have been into Eckhart Tolle at all.

Take care and I hope to meet you someday when you are truly enlightened. Stick with it.

Anonymous said...

I have misled you, all of you who read my work and believed in me.


I hate u.

Damn man.
Stop saying that.

Look, life has no meaning.
It's empty, you create meaning.

You just tried to make men go out.
This is not about RSD or anything related to pick up.

It's about you, and you are f***ing shit up in the process.

Anonymous said...

Following that post to fruition will lead to your ruin

GOOD!

Then one can rise up or die.

I think it's totally worth it.

Anonymous said...

Poor Ciaran.

Quite a long way to go for you, bud.

I wish you all the best.

But don't... don't take back your posts just because *you've* had a change of heart.

Those posts came from the wisdom and positivity within you.

Not everybody goes to darkness.

You were probably too wise for your own good.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ciaran

Hey Buddy, Its all good that you have currently left the path that you were on.


Id just like you to consider looking into organizations like AMP and LVO3. I understand that you would think that many parts of the community are similar and you may not rather look into this topic anymore.


But the alternative route I am proposing is just the being a better man and better lover to women that you could decide just to put a tiny bit of focus on if u want.

You may actually be surprised when you find this subsection of men in the community who just take steps in being better husbands with only a single woman or just having a better relationship with themselves and their women in general.


We can leave all that Pick Up Artist stuff behind. Ive been in this "community" since 2004 and I have always respected any man's decision to have pick up as a hobby or lifestyle. And RSD as much as we love them does have a culture that promotes actively picking up women, but there has always been men with a different focus. A focus you may now prefer.


Wishing you great luck and happiness.

-Intime

Anonymous said...

Your posts are some of the greatest writings I've ever seen in the community.

I've dealt with depression. It truly is a modern day luxury.

It's all in your head. You are over-thinking everything. Stop fucking around. It's only depressing if you let it. Don't you see once the value of the community started to fade suddenly all the negative stuff was becoming obvious. But what was great about it?

What was great about it for you, man? You had an amazing journey one could only hope for.

Wish you the best.

Shu|Ha|Ri said...

Man, you're nuts. ;)

What on earth was your goal in this thing the whole time anyway??

My goal is to have fun, be free and explore the unexplored. Seduction is awesome if you look at it for what it is... not a cult, nor a philosophy... but rather training a skillset. It's strictly dependant on what you use that skillset for. Sounds like you used it for the validation of getting sex from a girl whom you were not previously accquainted with. Part of your "thrill" or "excitement". That is cheap thrills my friend... and it just looks like you're realizing it now in a very over-the-top dramatic mellon-collie way.

Anyway. It was supposed to all be about learning social skills, which provides you more oppertunities with women. In other words, it was supposed to be about learning when you "could" pull the trigger, not about how often to pull the trigger.

Seems to me that initially getting into this, it was your medicine for whatever ailment you think you had... and now is the time when you've OD'ed on the medicine. It was only supposed to be used in order to get you to feel better man... not to fix something that's completely broken.

Anyway, peace.

Ciaran said...

"Screw you Ciaran, screw you for being that awesome dude and trashing that awesome by becoming a "PUA". Big middle finger to you, my friend! Childhood Ciaran is not proud!"

You're right mate, you're so right.

"As long as the community, the knowledge, is leading to more happiness I will pursue. Even if in the end it turns out like a giant scam, the now is fulfilling. I like it now."

What the fuck would happen to your life if you took the same view of heroin? I mean, seriously man, wake the fuck up. Stop kidding yourself.

Fuck man, you just don't get it. I'm not fucking arguing here. This is not about 'competing ideas', for fuck's sake.

Can you have competing ideas about being able to fly? Sure you can. And none of them is going to do a goddamned thing when you step off that cliff.

You can't fucking fly, man, and you cannot be complacent about this. This is really real. And if you want to stay in la la land believing all this pretty bullshit about the now, go nuts. It won't save you, and very soon you will find yourself suicidal and alone.

No melodrama. No bullshit. Truly fucking alone. Not metaphorically, not 'spiritually' - but a-fucking-lone and all those lies won't mean shit.

There are sins other than those of conscious malice. There are sins of complacency. Sins of laziness. Sins of cowardice and sins of pride. And any one of them is enough to fuck you up, and fuck up everyone you come in contact with. Wake up.

"I've dealt with depression. It truly is a modern day luxury.

It's all in your head. You are over-thinking everything. Stop fucking around. It's only depressing if you let it. "

Clearly you have never dealt with depression.

And it is not depression I am dealing with right now. It is shame and addiction. I thank God that I have not fallen into the fucking pit again because I'm starting to see just how much I deserve to.

"Don't you see once the value of the community started to fade suddenly all the negative stuff was becoming obvious. But what was great about it?

Nothing. Not one thing. Not one thing is great about it. Everything was corrupted by a million lies we each of us bought into. And I most of all.

And look mate - this is NOT a case of 'look for the positive'. That's like saying 'look for the positive' in butchering children. This is inherently fuck, and inherently fucking you. The fuckedupness of this is not something you can argue away. It is not something that gives a shit about what you believe. It just is. And because of that it will take you no matter how convinced you are it does not exist.

In fact, I'll go further. It will take you if you give it even one inch. Again, this is not an abstract argument. If you do not listen to me now, you will find out soon enough what I speak of is real.

"What was great about it for you, man? You had an amazing journey one could only hope for."

Are you not listening to me? No. No, I did not. I have wasted three years of my life in a fool's errand that has no future and the only thing I can possibly take from it that is of any value is the knowledge that I am a fucking idiot and that I cannot trust myself to make intelligent decisions about my own life.

"But don't... don't take back your posts just because *you've* had a change of heart.

My posts are fucked. I implore all of you to ignore them all. I am so sorry for writing them. I was wrong. I was so wrong.

"Those posts came from the wisdom and positivity within you."

Really? Or am I just really, really good at sounding wise?

Am I just a shit hot charlatan?

There's no wisdom there, man. Wisdom does not dwell in pretty-sounding words. It does not dwell in strident rhetoric. You can only know it by it's fruit, and if you knew even half the truth of my life you would not be so quick to call me wise.

"Not everybody goes to darkness."

Everybody who follows the stuff I've written will go to the place where that stuff came from. And that place is fucking dark man. Dark in ways you've never read about, and not 'oooooo that sounds scary' or like some abstract moral sense of evil or threat. Like fucking nasty shit that will fuck your life in ways you do not realise your life can be fucked.

And you can't stop it. And you cannot argue it away. And you cannot believe it away. It just is the truth. And either you deal with it now or you will deal with it later. And the higher you build this castle in the fucking sand man, the more fucked you will be when the whole thing falls.

And it will.

"You were probably too wise for your own good."

There is no such thing as being too wise. My problem is not wisdom, but always pride, greed and cowardice.

"I have misled you, all of you who read my work and believed in me.


I hate u.

Damn man.
Stop saying that."

I will not.

"Look, life has no meaning.
It's empty, you create meaning."

You fucking moron. Fuck man. Do you really believe you can get away with believing this? Do you really believe that such a transparent and childishly simplistic platitude is going to protect you when it's dark and the demons come?

I have built cathedrals of beautiful lies to protect me and not a single one of them meant a goddamned thing when it all came down.

And you think that you can believe some shit like this? You believe that that's going to help you?

This is not a fucking episode of Ricki Lake. This kind of facile pop culture bullshit will not fly. Wake the fuck up before it's too late and you find yourself a broken man - no, a broken boy in a world of your own shit. As I have.

"You just tried to make men go out."

Ha! HA!

Oh, would that that were the extent of my crime. Would that that were the extent of my crime!

I did no such thing. There's no 'getting away from this'. Do you understand me? There's no rationalising this away. This is real. This is really real. I have fucked a great many lives in the real world. And that's just the men. I don't even want to think about the heartache and bullshit and corruption that my arrogance has dumped on a shitload of women that I have never even met.

I can sense that one's gonna really fucking hurt when it lands, and it will. It always lands in the end.

"This is not about RSD or anything related to pick up."

Aye? Well thinkst thou still, Faustus, till experience change thy mind.

"It's about you, and you are f***ing shit up in the process."

Now that, my friend, is the truest thing I've heard all day.

Ciaran said...

"Following that post to fruition will lead to your ruin

GOOD!

Then one can rise up or die.

I think it's totally worth it."

Then you are so deeply fucked you have no idea, and you will look back in years to come at this post and you will shudder that you were so cocky in the face of so dire a warning.

Have no illusions. The God who loves you is weeping.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ciaran it's Angelfire.

Sorry to see you go man. It's been a great loss to RSD because you've helped further the game, even though you probably won't agree.

What the hell happened man? Was this an overnight transformation or have you just been keeping it under wraps for so long? It's pretty shocking coming from a guy who pretty much was the next big thing in the community.

I'm sure everyone here finds it so weird how you've suddenly started speaking so negatively about PUAism as well - not cool man, but whatever - I'm sure you have your reasons.

Anyways I'm glad I met you in person when you came to London for the Freedom Tour - it was a pleasure.

Reply to this if you like, just wanted to say my goodbyes and thanks.

Angelfire1987

Ciaran said...

Shu|Ha|Ri said...

"What on earth was your goal in this thing the whole time anyway??

My goal is to have fun, be free and explore the unexplored."

Then you still believe that it matters what your goals are when you get into this. I'm not making myself clear.

Why are you so certain that your motives are going to save you?

Let me ask you this - what are the motives of a man getting into heroin?

I can answer in one word.

They are irrelevant.

His motives are irrelevant because he getting involved in something that is way beyond his power to contain or control, no matter what he tells himself.

This is not a metaphor. We are looking at exactly the same phenomenon.

Thinking you are strong enough to hold your shit together in the face of seduction is like thinking you can win a fist-fight with a freight train. You can't. It's not about how strong you are. It is of a completely different order of power to you.

"Seduction is awesome if you look at it for what it is... not a cult, nor a philosophy... but rather training a skillset. It's strictly dependant on what you use that skillset for."

You will use that skillset to fuck random women unless you have the self-discipline of a samurai warrior.

"Sounds like you used it for the validation of getting sex from a girl whom you were not previously accquainted with. Part of your "thrill" or "excitement". That is cheap thrills my friend... and it just looks like you're realizing it now in a very over-the-top dramatic mellon-collie way."

Look, maybe I am. Maybe that's all this is. Maybe I'm just having a tantrum and there's nothing to worry about. Maybe.

But just maybe these things like 'validation' are not things you can simply avoid by knowing the words.

Maybe - just maybe - the cheap thrills you speak of are not a seedy sideshow to this, but an inavoidable part of this entire project.

I'm not saying "agree with me". I'm just saying - dude, you seriously need to think about the possibility that just maybe I'm not wrong.

Seriously, man, I know that I get lost in my fucking rhetoric. That's just one more symptom of the pride and arrogance that I have made a cosy home for inside me for a very long time now.

But is it not also possible that there is a different interpretation of this? That maybe - just maybe - I am speaking to you with such urgency because what I'm describing is really real.

Look, I know this is a lot to swallow. It's a lot for me to swallow.

"Anyway. It was supposed to all be about learning social skills, which provides you more oppertunities with women. In other words, it was supposed to be about learning when you "could" pull the trigger, not about how often to pull the trigger."

I just don't think that when you're going out and hitting on lots of chicks you can avoid pulling the trigger. I think we men need to seriously admit to ourselves where we are strong and where we are not.

I just don't think you can really hold yourself back, in a club environment, surrounded by honeys, from macking the shit out of them when for last year or two or three you have been going out relentlessly and macking on chicks.

And the thing is, you can say it's about a skillset - but when you start getting real results, shit is going to change. They way you look at it is going to change. And you'll have built up such inertia in the process of hitting on woman after woman, and you will be so focused on the process of seduction that you won't be able to stop yourself short of that precipice.

I want you to understand that there's not a large 'margin for error' here. I have not seen anyone do this and not be hurt by it. And the some of the worst damage is the damage they won't even admit to themselves IS damage.

Like

a) destroying their respect for relationships.

b) destroying their ability to trust women

c) obliterating their belief in love.

That last one's a pretty fucking big one, man. And this shit isn't academic, it is your future life.

It is your future if you continue on this path!

I'm not even telling you not to do it. I am not the man who could ever be qualified to tell you or anyone how to live.

I'll be honest with you, I really hope you stop this. I really hope you turn back from the brink. I really hope you all do, whoever you are who's reading this.

If you need to fall to realise that what I'm describing is real, then go on ahead. I know what your future holds. Just remember when it gets really dark that my blog is here and I am here.

But whatever you do, have enough self-respect not to simply dismiss out of hand the concerns I am raising, because I have not been a spectator in this project, but deeply involved for a long time. I speak not from theory but from experience that I cannot any longer ignore.

Don't go into this assuming that I am an isolated case and you are safe from the damage I describe. Be aware that these dangers are real. And frankly, I would be hesitant to call them dangers because a danger is something you have a chance of avoiding.

These are big fucking gaping chasms that stand directly between you and a goal which I honestly believe is a fiction.

There is no salvation in this. And there is no excuse, no reason, no argument, no insight, no position and no perspective that can save you if you walk this path.

Anonymous said...

Ciaran, you are so foolish that you remind me of me.

You HAVE NOT wasted 3 years of your life on a fool's errand.

How on earth could you be where you are right now, knowing with surety of where NOT to go, had your time not been spent as it was?

You are resisting the content of your life, fucker. It was part of what you had to learn. The course content could have been way more challenging. You could have been a pedophile. You could have been a serial rapist or murderer.

You got to have sex, and feel bad about your imagined self.

You are not unique in the annals pick-updom. Neal Strauss wrote of the pickup artist who believed it was time to change the emphasis of his life, and went on to study the Talmud in Israel.

Your experience is being experienced uniquely, but is actually rather common.

You're still a great writer, and I apparently need to read what you write (if it occurs in my field of awareness, far be it for me to argue with its relevance or right to exist).

Rich aka Miracle

Mayhem said...

So you're dealing with shame and addiction?

And as you said our goals are irrelevant.

I understand this on a very deep level.

My understanding of what you've said is such:

'Even if YOU DO NOT WANT or have INTENTIONS of sleeping with tons of women, just the simple fact that you HAVE THAT ABILITY TO DO will fuck you up"

Is that what you're trying to say.

Because my goals aren't to fuck tons of hott girls, I'm looking for a girlfriend right now.

Given I also understand the 'darkness' once you get a taste of that immense level of validation (fucking 3 girls in a weekend - aka you feel awesome) you want to do that again and again and again.

Jeffy talks about this a bit in Transformations.

Ciaran said...

Thanks, Rich. That's really cool of you to say. I guess that that is true - the true knowledge of my own weakness and corruption is worth more than all the riches I could imagine.

A new start to life. God knows I don't deserve it, but he seems to be giving it to me anyway. Yeah, stay tuned to the blog.

Oh and everyone - I'm not going to be drawn into personal attacks, analyses or comments on RSD or anyone in RSD, so don't try. Your comment will not be published. I've said everything I'm going to say about that company in the original post, so if you have any questions I refer you there.

Anonymous said...

Let's cut the shit man.

Are you thinking about killing yourself?

Frame said...

Ciaran,

I'm shocked and a little shaken.

You were my strongest inspirtation for this stuff. Your material has really drove me to succeed, it was encouraging and well written.

Partly, thanks to you, I don't even think about the seduction community as a seduction community. It's about becoming a better guy.

My game has improved in parralell with my spiritual improvements. I can get so in the now these days it's fantastic.

I've got more friends, bad thinking habits have disapeared, I'm acheiving more goals, everything in my life is taken shape becuase of belonging to the seduction (but only really RSD) community.

I don't want to leave and go back to being who I was before, that's not an option.

At 18 I'm still a virgin although my games getting tight enough that all that is standing in my way is logistics to an extent. I want to get this shit sorted out.

Some naturals go through their whole life getting laid more than I am right now and they are perfectly happy.

How else can we become better with women (some of us NEED to) without belonging to the seduction community. It's a fantastic place to become a better person.

I deeply and sincerly hope you get sorted out and find inner peace. Rediscover acceptance.

Best of Luck

Frame

Anonymous said...

Best of Luck. I understand the darkness. Thanks!

Threat said...

I suppose these are the costs of progressive desensitization when it comes to fucking a lot of women. Power is always a double edged sword. I don't really think it ever puts you in a "better" position, its just "different".

I don't know much about your situation beyond the blog and comments, but I don't really think you can get out...you can't unsee what you've seen. I think everyone who gets into this and sees the matrix pays a cost in terms of no more rosy ideals about love and women. We (those in the community) are effective because we embrace the reality of the situation when it comes to love and women. I believe the difference between a PUA and an AFC is one accepts reality and the other does not. I would be surprised if you can really leave behind everything you've seen and "go back". Do you stop being sexually attracted to women? Do you stop wanting to sleep with them? You mentioned an explanation of how to move forward, I'm interested in seeing that.

Again, this change of heart doesn't surprise me a ton because I've seen the Christian elements in some of your posts. At the time, I found it interesting that someone who so embraced C.S. Lewis could be involved in the seduction community. I figured Christian philosophy and beliefs from the community could not be meshed...that is partly why I was always interested in you, and am interested in this recent development in your life. I was a Christian for 20+ years, and was lost and confused with my faith when I stumbled upon the community. I found, and still have found no way to put those beliefs together, hence I left my faith completely behind.

I'm curious why you haven't taken your own advice when it comes to Tolle. I was drawn to him, because I felt my thoughts were eating me alive a lot of times, and I def get the feeling that would be the case with someone like you... Why so much resistance to what is? Is presence suddenly not working? Is it an oversimplification to assume that you simply lack acceptance of the circumstances of your life?

The Eternal Cowboy said...

Hey ciaran, I really understand what your talking about and how this shit becomes a drug or illusions of grandeur, that won't make you truely happy. I'm 19 and a virgin, do you think I should save my v-card for somebody I love. I hate being a virgin in the fact that in the back of mind I think it will solve all my problems and i'lll be happy, which I no isn't true, but it still affects me.

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with Rich...

And i'm not saying this to boost ur ego or anything,but gratz Ciaran for understanding this and for trying to explain to all these people...

And i offer my condonlences to all these people who have read your posts and will now try anything you have written so they can reach your level of enlightment...

It will be just another proof that they don't get it...

But keep on fighting for these people dude...

You now know why you do this...

Wish you the best

Dee said...

What if you take sex out of the equation?

I'm celibate and I plan to stay so until marriage. I'm serious. Nothing past makeouts, not even blowjobs. Peer pressure has never been a problem for me; because of that, I've never done any drugs nor have I ever gotten drunk. So when I say no sex, I have the discipline necessary to stick to it. I won't get into the reasons for why I'm celibate.

So will pickup still destroy me? More than anything I want to be real with people, I want to get to the core of who I am. I want to wipe away all the bullshit, all the fakeness that I've become over the years. I want to be innocent again, carefree, you know? Authenticity, whatever you want to call it.

Of course I want to enjoy the company of girls, but that alone I know is empty. I simply want to become content and happy with myself, so whether or not girls are in my life, it won't matter.

However, to get to the core of who I am and to follow my dreams, I need to go out and build the social skill set. I have to face rejection, I have to plow through all the bullshit. Nothing's gonna happen sitting at home. So can't good come from pickup? Is it really just a dead end?

If I was just to go out three nights a week for the sole purpose of having fun and spreading love and cheer, is that really so bad? Sex is not the outcome; it never has been for me. I just want to use RSD/pickup as an outlet for learning to better express myself and be loving to everyone.

Anyways, hope you pull through this. You'll be in my prayers.


Best wishes,

Dee

Anonymous said...

Dear Ciaran,

I am 49 years old. Before I found the 'community' I was pretty miserable. I didn't have a sex life and was so desperate to find a girlfriend that I ruined every encounter, not having a clue what was going on. Not unheard of, you know.

Enter 'pu', RSD style. It has improved my life, and given so much quality. I am a better person for it.

It's true, I'm not near as advanced as you were in 'the game'. But I have lived my life, and I can testify that this has been good for me. You will just have to accept the fact that pu can improve people's lives.

I've read your blog and these comments. I truly tried to understand what you're trying to say, and how it can relate to my self. But in the end I didn't find a real reason to change my stance.

So here is my conclusion: The 'darkness' is about you, not the 'community'.

I wish you the best of luck. Hope that you find your way out of the dark place where you're at right now.

'Escalator'

atrifix said...

Ciaran,

I met you once, briefly, in San Francisco. I don't often read or follow this stuff, or post, but it grieves me to see you in pain. I think all of us have been there, at one point or another, or we wouldn't have much drive. Perhaps someone on a bootcamp is a fantastic programmer, but when he reaches the pinnacle, programming doesn't give meaning to his life, so he figures seduction will. So it goes. Maybe God will be able to fill the darkness for you.

I won't offer you any advice, since I wouldn't know what to say, anyway. I just want to let you know that I feel your pain, and to share this piece of poetry with you, which I have found comforting.

http://www.online-literature.com/hesse/siddhartha/12/

"The sinner, which I am and which you are, is a sinner, but in times to come he will be Brahma again, he will reach the Nirvana, will be Buddha--and now see: these "times to come" are a deception, are only a parable! The sinner is not on his way to become a Buddha, he is not in the process of developing, though our capacity for thinking does not know how else to picture these things. No, within the sinner is now and today already the future Buddha, his future is already all there, you have to worship in him, in you, in everyone the Buddha which is coming into being, the possible, the hidden Buddha. . . . It is nor possible for any person to see how far another one has already progressed on his path; in the robber and dice-gambler, the Buddha is waiting; in the Brahman, the robber is waiting. . . . Therefore, I see whatever exists as good, death is to me like life, sin like holiness, wisdom like foolishness, everything has to be as it is, everything only requires my consent, only my willingness, my loving agreement, to be good for me, to do nothing but work for my benefit, to be unable to ever harm me. I have experienced on my body and on my soul that I needed sin very much, I needed lust, the desire for possessions, vanity, and needed the most shameful despair, in order to learn how to give up all resistance, in order to learn how to love the world, in order to stop comparing it to some world I wished, I imagined, some kind of perfection I had made up, but to leave it as it is and to love it and to enjoy being a part of it.--These, oh Govinda, are some of the thoughts which have come into my mind."

--Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this. It really spoke to me.

Flower said...

I think I understand where you're coming from Ciaran, but I don't think you should beat yourself up about it as badly as you seem to be. Don't forget you’ve brought a lot of happiness and joy into many peoples lives as well.

Maybe you remember, maybe you don't, but I messaged you a while back asking for advice on where to get started with Zen Buddhism... you recommended some books and some links. It’s because of your help that I’ve been able to get a good start on my spiritual journey.

In posts like "there's a war going on" and ones similar you inspired me to go out and approach. I have made some awesome friends, who bring so much happiness to me, and likewise me to them. Just last month I met an ex-community guy at a party, he’s just on his way out and also has an interest in spiritual discovery. We've formed such a deep connection in such a short space of time, would I have met him if you hadn't motivated me to approach people? Probably not.

Just yesterday, me and my friends went to a music festival, the same one we went to last year. Last year I choded about, got blown out of a few sets and generally had a rough time. The difference between this year and last year is that with the experience I've had I’ve been able to truly and naturally reflect my core in conversations, bringing so much value to a social situation and making loads more cool friends.

I understand that if you're coming from a position of egoic lack, and are looking for something to forfill you, then achieving a massive success with girls will probably not help the situation. However, you’ve really done nothing but take guys who can’t get girls and turned them into guys with social skills…

The thing about sex addiction is something I’ll have to consider, although I don’t seem to be showing any symptoms of it… but without the message you portrayed in your posts, I wouldn’t be the happy and confident person I am today.

You helped me start my journey, thanks Ciaran.

Anonymous said...

Dude WHAT-THE-FUCK are you talking about? lol

Iam in the seduction community cause I want to get better with women. Some guys are good with women, some are not. If you want to get better with women you learn how to get better in a seduction community. If you don't want to be better with girls you don't join a seduction community.

WHAT IAM TRYING TO SAY IS THIS: Just chill bro'!!! What is all this complex nerd-talk about life good for? Keep it simple man... Let's bang some chicks!! RAWR!!!(H)
...or not if it makes you more happy to sit in your room and read buddha and stuff.

Destructive??? Dark places??? Iam happier then I've ever been and I look around at the people around me who are doing drugs, complaining, mass drinking, consumerism, YOU KNOW ALL TAHT NICE STUFF??? Reading the news is probably alot more destructive then reading seduction.

nick said...

Dear Ciaran

I totally respect ur descision to do this step in your life, but as a newby and only 3 months in to this labyrinth i feel not stoping even tho my emotions are goin crazy.I just wanted to tell u a big thank u for ur contribution to the community.

Last thought:

A priest once told me that science is a mountain and one scientist were trying really hard to climb it...one day he made it and at the top he found an old man sitting on a rock. so the old man told the scientist that all u wanted all the things u were looking for in ur life has been already told at the bottom of the mountain.

see science as pick up

i have a thought of wot has been told at the bottom but i think i need more time to realize it...(maybe i m single minded now)

maybe its true maybe its not?
does it worth all this trip all the way up?
i think yes. i think more than yes.
Yes that is the truth u climbed n maybe now u found who u really are and ur happier than ever.(im not critisizing u cos ur older than and a big example for me).

Thats what i wanted to say thanks for ur help up until now n hoppefully we wll see u posting soon even if its not pick up.

Peace and great respects to you, your family and to everyone that trully loves u.

Nikos a.k.a El Eros

Anonymous said...

''Seduction is seductive in the deepest possible sense. It makes you believe in it. It makes you make excuses for it. It makes you reorder your whole world, both internal and external, around it's virtue.''

It consumes me man. Life/work/relationships doesn’t seem to be that much important anymore to me, and the last 2 years have only been about seduction.

I want to stop just like you with this nonsense, but I don't really feel that it's in my case genuine to stop, because I did not even had real success. I still don't have a sex life, let alone a girl in my life.

If I am going to stop and leave this stuff behind me, it will feel like a rationalizing for my non existing success with girls. Pick-up is stupid blabla, so that I don't have to feel bad about my bad progress in the game. Do you get what I mean?

I can hear you saying: 'you stupid fuck, get the fuck out before it's too late.' Ha. Nonetheless, I would be more than glad to hear your thoughts on this. Because it's now the only objections I have against leaving this stuff behind me for good.

Thanks bro for warning us and I wish you much success and wisdom while going through this period in your life Ciaran.

Ciaran said...

Frame said...

"Ciaran,

I'm shocked and a little shaken."

Good.

"You were my strongest inspirtation for this stuff. Your material has really drove me to succeed, it was encouraging and well written."

Yes, I know. I'm so sorry about that.

You know, I really didn't want to write about all this stuff. I wanted to just bury my head in the sand, to walk away from the whole thing and be done with it, but it's guys like you that I just couldn't walk away from. Not because I'm a good guy, but because I bear a weight of responsibility for the lives of the guys who've respected me and followed my work.

"Partly, thanks to you, I don't even think about the seduction community as a seduction community. It's about becoming a better guy."

Yeah, yeah I wrote that. And becoming a better guy is great, but seduction won't give you that.

"My game has improved in parralell with my spiritual improvements. I can get so in the now these days it's fantastic."

That is great, man. And I think it's only fair to thank Tyler for introducing me to the spiritual side of this. At the same time, I everything I've seen and everything I've been through leads me to the inescapable conclusion that it is impossible to build real and lasting spiritual strength in the context of seduction.

It's like while seduction is the arena, while it is the context for self-improvement, all your self-improvement will be nothing but a means to an end.

And this isn't some academic point, and I don't think this is something you can avoid.

Women are too hot. Lust is too powerful. If you pipe Eckhart into your head 24/7 you can hold the shit at bay for a time, but after a time even that will lose it's ability to help you.

Only you won't know that. You will have no idea it's not working because your pride is being stoked so heavily by the life you're living. And not just 'fucking chicks' either - that's way too simplistic. But owning the shit out of a club night - are you strong enough not to let that go to your head? Tooling some idiot in a club and getting a hot girl laughing at you and touching your arm - are you strong enough not to let that effect you?

Because here's the kicker - it doesn't have to effect you 100%. It just needs to effect you 1% and it's got it's claws in you. And it grows and grows and you never know - you understand - you never know it's there until you're crashing out.

"I've got more friends, bad thinking habits have disapeared, I'm acheiving more goals, everything in my life is taken shape becuase of belonging to the seduction (but only really RSD) community."

Dude, I have been there times ten thousand. I know exactly what it's like to start gaining strength after a life of weakness.

Look, I'm not going to be going into this on this thread, but strength is not something that is connected with seduction.

I would also say that all these gains - all of them - will go. Seduction is a black fucking hole. And it is seductive. It's seducing you, as it seduced me and a shitload of other guys cleverer and wiser and braver than both me or you. And there is darkness there, man. There is no way out of it.

"I don't want to leave and go back to being who I was before, that's not an option."

Ok - good. You are right. Hold to this, but recognise as you hold to this that you will go back to being who you were before if you continue in seduction. You go straight through and out the other side. Straight up. You can just fuck more - except you don't because you don't even enjoy that.

I'm so sorry about all this, man. I'm so sorry that I led you on. I have used my skills to feed lies I should have been brave enough to see through. And I didn't. I'm sorry.

"At 18 I'm still a virgin although my games getting tight enough that all that is standing in my way is logistics to an extent. I want to get this shit sorted out."

I know it's fucked and you feel like shit about it a lot of the time. I know that it seems like everyone around you is fucking and not you.

I realise that it gets you down a lot and that's not just a case of you feeling a little low, but it's savage and cold and cruel.

But for one second man try to step back from everything enough to realise that all these snide whispered criticisms of your virginity are coming from a pop culture that is irreparably fucking insane.

"Some naturals go through their whole life getting laid more than I am right now and they are perfectly happy."

No, they are not. They tell you they are because they need to believe it. They are desperately unhappy.

All they have done is build up the 'alternative' in their mind to a life of promiscuity into a fictional picture of horror, cowardice and despair. And the reason that they use (and I am as guilty of this, if not more so, than anyone else) those colours is because horror, cowardice and despair are things they have in great abundance.

"How else can we become better with women (some of us NEED to) without belonging to the seduction community. It's a fantastic place to become a better person."

Ok, it's NOT. It's NOT a fantastic place to become a better person. I really want you to seriously think about this, man, I'm not fucking around. You trusted me once, please trust me now. It is the worst place in the world to become a better person. The very worst.

And ok - here's the thing. This is not a case of 'ok, Ciaran, what do I do next.'

I do not have all the answers. In fact, I think that the idea of me being a guru of any stripe is a fucking joke.

The point is this - you'd better fucking find a way. You'd better find one or make one, dude - because the question 'what is the alternative' assumes that the seduction community is going to help you.

It is not.

You want to know what the alternative to seduction? A fucking crack habit, mate. A crack habit will impact your life in a way closer to seduction than any genuine self-improvement project.

"I deeply and sincerly hope you get sorted out and find inner peace. Rediscover acceptance.

Best of Luck

Frame"

Yeah, me too man, and you also. Much love dude, and stay posted. I'm sorry about everything.

Mikhael said...

Are you talking about sex addiction? Please be more specific.
best wishes,
Mikhael

Greg said...

Ciaran,
Have you guys stopped to think that women actually want to be seduced? And not necessarily for a serious relationship but for a one-night-stand and casual sex as well? They have as much biological urge as we do. Even more, since most of them fuck more than the average guy and have more partners than the average guy, in spite of society's conditioning and pulling them in the opposite way.

She is not a robot or a resonse machine. She agrees to sleep with you on her own free will. PU is not some magic power that blinds her or clouds her mind. It's just that she finally finds a guy who can LEAD her into what she's already been CRAVING and seeing all along. She is not tricked into it. She is led into it, while craving it and knowing that she is incapable of leading into it herself (b/c it's not her role and b/c it's a turn off for her).

Of course, if afterwards she wants more she may start manipulation and guilt trips to frame the whole thing like she was tricked into it. BUT SHE IS AN ADULT AND WANTS TO FUCK AS MUCH AS YOU DO, IF NOT MORE, AND WHO HAS AS MUCH FREE WILL AS YOU DO. So each of you should be at least equally responsible for your own choices, including your get-togethers.

Another undercurrent in this whole thing is that she may get pregnant and get stuck with a child that both of you should be responsible for. This gets projected into other psychological areas, such as that if you fuck her, you should hang around.

To paraphrase you, just think that you may be wrong and my, just like me, come full circle some 10 years later whereby you realize that half the guilt you are feeling is unfounded and is stuff you are imposing on yourself.

Bottom line, women have as much free will as you do, and you are such a great gift to women that even one night with you makes their lives better (in terms of what they crave) than they would be otherwise.

Steve said...

Can you please give us an idea of the direction your blog will be taking from now on.'Stay tuned' doesn't cut it for me.You inspired me to begin this path of seduction.Then after I have experienced the pain but before I have reaped the pleasures of it,you implore me to stop in my tracks.I've always respected what you had to say so I find it difficult to disregard you now.But unless you have some sort of alternative-don't say you don't,you always have something-I'm going to find it extremely difficult to listen to you.Ask yourself-would the Ciaran of 3 years ago have listened to the Ciaran of today without a hell of a lot more convincing justification?I don't think so.Because Ciaran of 3 years ago is me today.

Ciaran said...

Greg said...
"Ciaran,

Have you guys stopped to think that women actually want to be seduced? And not necessarily for a serious relationship but for a one-night-stand and casual sex as well?"

Yes, I based my game around this and I was very, very good.

But let me ask you this, Greg. Have you ever considered that those same women might be just as fucking deluded as us?

"They have as much biological urge as we do. Even more, since most of them fuck more than the average guy and have more partners than the average guy, in spite of society's conditioning and pulling them in the opposite way."

Statistically speaking this is not true.

And have you considered that using your biological urges - or a woman's biological urges - as your compass for life might be a fundamentally destructive path?

"She is not a robot or a response machine. She agrees to sleep with you on her own free will."

Doesn't mean she's right to agree.

"PU is not some magic power that blinds her or clouds her mind."

No, but it is power. And to say that she has 'free will' to sleep with you when you're fucking good at this is like saying you have free will to resist buying a pair of shoes from the world's best shoe salesman.

Oh don't get me wrong. There are a million ways to get a woman to agree to sex "of her own free will."

And that is because our will - hers, yours and mine - are not sacrosanct. There is no mystical guardian that will stop us from making the wrong choice.

And the fact is, we spend so much time trying to get women to sleep with us, we never stop to consider if we should. We live in a society that glorifies short-term pleasure. We live in a world that views male promiscuity as cool.

And the question we need to ask is this - is that assessment true?

Now look - I have no doubt that there are ten million reasons that you can instantly conjure up to say that it is.

You could say "who does it hurt?"

You could say "everyone I've fucked seemed perfectly happy."

You could say "I never lie".

You could say "I never lead women into things they don't want to do".

Of course you could say all these things.

I did.

I lived them.

But here's the thing, man. What we want is not always what we should do.

If we lived that way we would all be rapists and serial killers.

"It's just that she finally finds a guy who can LEAD her into what she's already been CRAVING and seeing all along."

YES. BUT IS SHE RIGHT TO CRAVE IT?

"She is not tricked into it. She is led into it, while craving it and knowing that she is incapable of leading into it herself (b/c it's not her role and b/c it's a turn off for her)."

THIS IS ME.

YOU ARE DESCRIBING MY EXACT THOUGHT PATTERNS FROM BACK IN THE DAY.

WORD FOR WORD.

Do not think that I am some dilettante with an opinion. I have lived the things you say and found them hollow.

As you will.

God help you.

"Of course, if afterwards she wants more she may start manipulation and guilt trips to frame the whole thing like she was tricked into it."

Jesus wept, man. It's because maybe she never wanted to just get fucked. She never wanted that. Maybe she wanted more from you.

Maybe she wanted to GIVE YOU MORE.

To give you more than just one night.

I feel physically sick that I have led men into thinking the things you think.

I feel physically sick that there are women out there who I have fucked over without even meeting them.

I don't even want to know how many.


"BUT SHE IS AN ADULT AND WANTS TO FUCK AS MUCH AS YOU DO, IF NOT MORE, AND WHO HAS AS MUCH FREE WILL AS YOU DO."

Aye. And who has as much weakness as you do also.

"So each of you should be at least equally responsible for your own choices, including your get-togethers."

Yes. And this includes you.

"Another undercurrent in this whole thing is that she may get pregnant and get stuck with a child that both of you should be responsible for."

Of course.

"This gets projected into other psychological areas, such as that if you fuck her, you should hang around."

You speak of such things as if you are reading from an academic textbook on psychology. These are real people. Real women. Real men. Real lives. I am really here. The seduction community is not a bunch of pirate nicknames floating in cyberspace. These are your sisters, your mothers, your girlfriends and your wives.

Would you think in such a way about one of them? Would you?

"To paraphrase you, just think that you may be wrong and my, just like me, come full circle some 10 years later whereby you realize that half the guilt you are feeling is unfounded and is stuff you are imposing on yourself."

I would give a king's ransom for such an easy out.

And frankly, the guilt I'm feeling now is a pale shadow of what I should be feeling for the crimes I have committed against women. And men.

"Bottom line, women have as much free will as you do, and you are such a great gift to women that even one night with you makes their lives better (in terms of what they crave) than they would be otherwise."

It's like listening to myself from two years ago. I mean, really. Word for word.

Really, dude, you need to face the shit in this that you do not want to face. Face the possibilities you are dismissing. Face them head on now, or you WILL face them head on later.

Ciaran said...

'Escalator'
"Dear Ciaran,

I am 49 years old. Before I found the 'community' I was pretty miserable. I didn't have a sex life and was so desperate to find a girlfriend that I ruined every encounter, not having a clue what was going on. Not unheard of, you know."

Yes, I think I have this T-shirt in my wardrobe.

"Enter 'pu', RSD style. It has improved my life, and given so much quality. I am a better person for it."

This one too.

"It's true, I'm not near as advanced as you were in 'the game'. But I have lived my life, and I can testify that this has been good for me. You will just have to accept the fact that pu can improve people's lives."

Oh, for sure. Initially.

There are massive initial challenges to this, and massive initial payoffs.

But these payoffs are not sustainable.

And these challenges are not worthy.

"I've read your blog and these comments. I truly tried to understand what you're trying to say, and how it can relate to my self. But in the end I didn't find a real reason to change my stance."

You will.

"So here is my conclusion: The 'darkness' is about you, not the 'community'."

The darkness is about all of us. About the fact that we are all weak and proud, and that is a dangerous combination.

"I wish you the best of luck. Hope that you find your way out of the dark place where you're at right now."

I am out. Finally.

'Escalator'

Anonymous said...

hey ciaran, I love your posts !!
Now heres my question do you suggest I stop using the apocalypse and shock & Awe?
Are these things really that bad?

Ciaran said...

"Anonymous said...

hey ciaran, I love your posts !!
Now heres my question do you suggest I stop using the apocalypse and shock & Awe?
Are these things really that bad?"

Yes and yes. With all my heart.

Motion said...

"
And then you meet some girl you really like - which is the reason most guys get into this - and you get into a relationship with her. And you have sex.

And after about a month, you've fucked her every way a woman can be fucked. You've done everything to her that you can do. And no matter how hot she is, you cannot get that "yeah, I just fucked a hot chick" buzz off her anymore.

Incidentally, this doesn't happen slowly. It is rapid. You rapidly lose interest in sex with her because she isn't giving you that ego hit anymore. Sex becomes a chore - but you don't stop caring about the girl. You just lose her.

You see, what would normally replace that ego hit - that sex would be a deep and mutually connective and loving experience - just isn't there for you anymore because you have conditioned your mind to equate sex with victory.

And realise that you cannot just "flick a switch" and turn off how your mind views sex. You can't stop it. You're just living in that place.
"

Excellent and profound, and yes i have been through this few years ago. I think i hit the high of the day game ability, and it exactly felt as you described, the high and then the fall (and fall last a lot longer the the high). Including part with girl who i really liked, but couldn't shut down my skill because it was so easy. And the disenchantment after 1 month mark, where I actively sabotaged any hope for possible relationship.

Good news, if you willing to take a hit in skill and change in mind set, change is possible, it took me another 2 years to get out of that. Yet to this day, i have hard time connecting on the good level, but it feels much better now, it feels as i can have relationship and connection now and not just fuck around. I am also retiring as coach next month. Good luck with your undertakings.


www.PickupFuture.com

I said...

Change your perspective. Add one angle to your view. Maybe it was necessary for someone like you to stumble upon the community, get involved or actually get more than just involved....

Any outsider, or someone with less “standing”, would not have gotten the same attention and (hopefully) get people thinking saying the same things you do. Change can only come from the inside and that is what you are bringing. Don´t feel sorry it had to be you. It was you, that´s it.

Matt said...

Let me say that in my three year experience with the community I've arrived at a similar place. Self improvement is a rat race that never ends. You will NEVER be satisfied with your "skills." Any short-term ego-boost you achieve by sleeping with a woman will vanish the next time you go out and a girl looks at you the wrong way. And for those of you who are in this to become more 'social' - If your primordial social training happens in bars, you are SERIOUSLY FUCKING YOURSELF UP. The types of interactions that you have in bars, ESPECIALLY if the goal is laying women, and ESPECIALLY if you are following some sort of routine or method, will destroy your ability to see people as human beings.

It will destroy your ability to actually relate with human beings - you will only see them as a vehicle to ego gratification. You will only see them as a concise collection of social behaviors and labels. You will be alone, your true friends will disappear, and you will chart a course that drives you far away from learning about who you really are, which is the only way to really develop yourself in a positive and sustainable direction.

Believe me, I did this for three years, I was as seduced by this as anyone, and I had a lot of success. Now I see my "friends" still going out and doing this, starting to get successful, acting like they are on top of the world, acting like they think they are better than everyone else, and to normal people they look like COMPLETE DOUCHEBAGS. To anyone with any degree of wisdom or life experience they look like total losers who have no idea how stupid they are being. It's not about religion, it's not about confining "rules" about whether it's "wrong" to fuck chicks. It's about what actually will give you sustainable happiness, and what will make you a self-loathing horror of a human being with no friends.

Don't fall into this trap. Get out before you fuck yourself up too much. Grab a copy of "The Power of Now" and "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before you Die." That'll get you on the right track.

Go out and socialize. Develop some social skills. There are a million ways to do this, but PLEASE don't do it in bars (in bars you typically are interacting with people who are completely LOST, and additionally who are putting up fronts and not acting like real people)

That's all for now. If nothing else, read the two books that I mentioned, take a hard look at your motives, and then decide for yourself. That's fair, right?