So here's my theory.
It's all about icebergs and battlefields. I think you're going to like it.
The thing is this, I don't think it's stillness. I think it's love.
And not love in the Hollywood sense. Not love in the brotherly sense, nor in the charitable sense. I'm talking about the deep stuff, the deep love. The swirling substrate of reality itself.
God is love, the man said. And the one who lives in love, lives in God, allegedly. And God lives in him, I have heard.
It's all love. There is no stillness, but only flowing love. Deep love, mind you, not some pansy ass bullshit.
That Nimbus that we speak of, it is not authority, nor is it presence, nor is it anything other than the pure love of humanity, the love of God, that flows through us - or that we obscure.
Whatever love flows through (deep love, mind you) is reified and filled with meaning and purpose. Anything filled with love becomes powerful and compelling, beautiful and - to us who are locked in the frozen wastes of hell - an end in and of itself.
Hence many things, not least the preoccupation with sex which fills the mind of many a man. It is not the sex he seeks so much as the glory, the meaning and the fulfillment that comes from that moment where a beautiful woman surrenders beneath his touch.
But you see it is the hunger for love that drives us to cast this world in a lens of division, to demonise men and manners, climates, councils, governments - and ourselves not least - because in demonising we give ourselves something more precious than we can each of us imagine.
We give ourselves the opportunity prove our goodness, our love and our meaning (for each of these is the same) by instigating carnage upon those whom we have arbitrarily decided to hate.
I was once so naive as to believe that the simple understanding of this process could set us free from hell.
Of course, the truth is that the darkness, the division, the fiction and the hate (for each of these is likewise the same) has been driven by you and I deep into ourselves. Deep down. Down beyond forgetting into a place where we cannot even remember the lies we have convinced ourselves are real.
Do we plunge through Zen, and meditation and prayer to shine a light into those dark places?
Of course we do, if we want to live.
But as my life continues I am increasingly of the mind that this is not enough.
There needs be some more proactive approach.
And the more I see, the more I am convinced of the fact that peace can be waged, just as war can be.
Where is your crucible? That is the point of all this, you see. That in this strange pursuit of women, we have discovered something that runs much deeper. That the light of consciousness can only dissolve those parts of you that are visible above the surface. Those deep, dark feelings that cut you inside will remain hidden in shadows forever.
Unless you call them out. Unless you place yourself into positions that drag your insecurities screaming and biting and tearing and shrieking into the light of day where they can die, and be born again as light - as you must be.
Find it. Find your crucible.
Because we are each one of us falling through infinity, and if we do not learn to fly, then we will fall forever.
The darkness in each of us is like an iceberg, and we cannot dissolve it by dissolving only the parts that we can see.
And mediation in stillness allows those deep pains, those deep wounds and those deep divisions in us to creep into the shadows. The Zen of the mountaintop, or the garden, or the lotus will dissolve those parts of you which are still jagged and painful on a mountaintop, or in a garden, or when contemplating a lotus.
And what you will achieve is peace and presence.
But what if you step into the fire, into the battlefield? The Zen of the battlefield can and will dissolve those parts of you which are fearful on a battlefield. Right deep down, down to the core.
And what you will achieve... has yet to be seen.
But you will understand, in time.