Thursday, 1 May 2008

Icebergs And Battlefields

So here's my theory.

It's all about icebergs and battlefields. I think you're going to like it.

The thing is this, I don't think it's stillness. I think it's love.

And not love in the Hollywood sense. Not love in the brotherly sense, nor in the charitable sense. I'm talking about the deep stuff, the deep love. The swirling substrate of reality itself.

God is love, the man said. And the one who lives in love, lives in God, allegedly. And God lives in him, I have heard.

Very well.

It's all love. There is no stillness, but only flowing love. Deep love, mind you, not some pansy ass bullshit.

That Nimbus that we speak of, it is not authority, nor is it presence, nor is it anything other than the pure love of humanity, the love of God, that flows through us - or that we obscure.

Whatever love flows through (deep love, mind you) is reified and filled with meaning and purpose. Anything filled with love becomes powerful and compelling, beautiful and - to us who are locked in the frozen wastes of hell - an end in and of itself.

Hence many things, not least the preoccupation with sex which fills the mind of many a man. It is not the sex he seeks so much as the glory, the meaning and the fulfillment that comes from that moment where a beautiful woman surrenders beneath his touch.

But you see it is the hunger for love that drives us to cast this world in a lens of division, to demonise men and manners, climates, councils, governments - and ourselves not least - because in demonising we give ourselves something more precious than we can each of us imagine.

We give ourselves the opportunity prove our goodness, our love and our meaning (for each of these is the same) by instigating carnage upon those whom we have arbitrarily decided to hate.

I was once so naive as to believe that the simple understanding of this process could set us free from hell.

Of course, the truth is that the darkness, the division, the fiction and the hate (for each of these is likewise the same) has been driven by you and I deep into ourselves. Deep down. Down beyond forgetting into a place where we cannot even remember the lies we have convinced ourselves are real.

What now?

Do we plunge through Zen, and meditation and prayer to shine a light into those dark places?

Of course we do, if we want to live.

But as my life continues I am increasingly of the mind that this is not enough.

There needs be some more proactive approach.

And the more I see, the more I am convinced of the fact that peace can be waged, just as war can be.

Where is your crucible? That is the point of all this, you see. That in this strange pursuit of women, we have discovered something that runs much deeper. That the light of consciousness can only dissolve those parts of you that are visible above the surface. Those deep, dark feelings that cut you inside will remain hidden in shadows forever.



Unless you call them out. Unless you place yourself into positions that drag your insecurities screaming and biting and tearing and shrieking into the light of day where they can die, and be born again as light - as you must be.

Find it. Find your crucible.

And why?

Because we are each one of us falling through infinity, and if we do not learn to fly, then we will fall forever.

The darkness in each of us is like an iceberg, and we cannot dissolve it by dissolving only the parts that we can see.

And mediation in stillness allows those deep pains, those deep wounds and those deep divisions in us to creep into the shadows. The Zen of the mountaintop, or the garden, or the lotus will dissolve those parts of you which are still jagged and painful on a mountaintop, or in a garden, or when contemplating a lotus.

And what you will achieve is peace and presence.

But what if you step into the fire, into the battlefield? The Zen of the battlefield can and will dissolve those parts of you which are fearful on a battlefield. Right deep down, down to the core.

And what you will achieve... has yet to be seen.

But you will understand, in time.


Lorem Ipsum said...


Here I am again.

This time, however, I come bearing good news.

Over the last week I've reached a new level of consistency.

I'm Nimbulating.

For the past few days, it has felt like I'm untouchable, separate, consecrated.

The heavens have opened up, and for now I'm allowed to stay.

Or perhaps, more accurately, I've shed several skins, and the gemstone inside has been unstifled.

I'm walking on high.

But I've just reached the tip.

And I want more.

I'm hungry Ciaran.

As great as this Nimbus is, as great as Zen is, I want the Fire of Freedom. I want this purification.

I want pure, unadulterated freedom. I want the glory of it all. I want to be the man who can say that I walked through the fire and survived.

But you see the flaws in that statement.

It's egoic. I'm dividing and looking for "something" that is "separate" from me.

All this time, I've been looking for rock bottom.

All this time, I've been searching for a crucible.

I've been looking for a fire to throw myself into.

I've been looking for a furnace to burn my impurities.

I've been searching for a cloister of trials.

But guess what?

It's not there.

Where I search for it, it does not exist.

It's not where my mind lies. It's not where my ego lies. It's not where my fears lie.

It is all around me.

It is in everything.

It is I.

At first you DO sadhana.

Then you realise, that EVERYTHING is sadhana.

Everything you do is your work.

Everything you do is your sadhana.

You've never needed anything other than what you've already been presented with.

At all moments, the world is perfect. It is everything that it needs to be.

At all moments, you are perfect. You are everything that you need to be.

Everything. Is. Your. Crucible.

And guess what?

You don't even have to do anything.

Maybe someday it'll actually stick into your head that you aren't doing anything.

Maybe someday you'll finally understand the lesson that you are not the doer.

Maybe you'll finally realise that "You are not a special or unique snowflake."

...Or maybe not.

It's not up to you.

And guess what? If you don't learn it, no big deal.

You don't have to worry.

And no, don't worry. I'm not enlightened. I haven't ended the cycles. I've still to learn those lessons for the final time.

I still haven't let go.

So here, let me remind you of an old lesson, that you might have to learn many times over:

"Stop trying to control everything and just LET GO"

Anyway, that's what this week has brought me, Hero.

Take care.

John~ said...

If universal deep and abiding love is the source of personal growth, then all things must be loved.

You. Me. The dog. Radishes.

Even stillness. Stillness isn't passive. It's not a matter of being proactive "enough", as if there's a sliding scale of growth.

You're either active or inactive. No shades of grey. Not like our hair, my friend.

How long did it take to create the Grand Canyon? Was that done on a Tuesday afternoon? How long did it take for Rome to be built?

It's not a race. The intensity of activity does not warrant or suggest any particular level of profound change.

If I run a mile in 4 minutes or if I run a mile in 30 minutes, I've still only run a mile. My legs might have moved faster, I might have APPEARED more proactive, but in the end, look at the distance covered.

Think it over.

PS I totally need a blog, don't I?

fullcrum said...

whoa, nice!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I will understand in time. Interesting read, Ciaran!